Take Me Away
by UchihaofthesandS
Summary: He broke him. Took away his meaning, his independence, his happiness. Now he has to fight to return to who he was. Luckily, he has his friends to help him through. Yaoi in later chapters, strong language, self harm, abuse, depression.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't like opening paragraphs so I'll make this short and sweet: This fic is mature. It involves cutting, yaoi (including lemons), abuse, violence, and cussing. I want it to be angsty and pull at your heartstrings. I hope you guys enjoy it.**

*****This will be the last time I go through and edit this story. I am aiming to complete this story by this December. I was it to be wonderful for you guys, flow perfectly, and the chapters to be symmetrical in their format; that is why I am editing this for one last time.**

**Disclaimer****: This is for the whole fic. I do not own any stock or share of Naruto in any way and am not receiving any currency for the production of this story.**

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><p><em><strong>Take Me Away<strong>_

_**Chapter 1:**_

**_"You don't need to worry_**

**_... I don't need to be._**

**_I'll keep slipping further_**

**_... But once I hold on, I won't let go till it bleeds."_**

_Err_… Hmm.

_Errr… _Yeah. I guess that's about the correct sound. Like a zipper being opened letting your dick pop out. But instead I'm opening the flesh on my thigh, and my blood is quickly mixing with the water droplets next to it.

_Err… _You'd think it would hurt, right? Nah. Never. Not until the next day, that is. Once the jeans or whatever fabric you put over it starts catching on the scabs… Then it stings. It stings good.

_Err… _The house is dark.

_Err… _The water's warm.

_Err… _Perfect.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Morning brings sunlight, which rips through my blinds and eyelids like Satan's spawn or something, and I know I'm late. I wonder momentarily why my alarm didn't go off, or if it did, why I didn't hear it, then realize I don't care. The thought crosses my mind to just stay home. Stay in bed and waste away. Forget that there is life outside of these walls... But I would never be able to get away with it.

But, Kami... I wish.

As it is, I drag myself put of my bed slowly and dig through the laundry on my floor. My hat fell off in my sleep again, saving me the trouble of taking it off, so I just pull some jeans on, the friction burning my thighs, and throw on my favorite orange shirt. I stalk through the house, grab my bag, and walk out the door, shoving a stick of gum from the key bowl in my mouth as I go.

It's hot as shit. Thank Kami the school is only a block away 'cause I'm already sweating by the time I reach the bottom of the flight of stairs to my apartment, and my shirt is sticking to my back and I'm so going to kill everyone because this sucks so bad. By the time I reach the school I'm seething and the smell protruding from me is horrendous, so screw signing in, I head straight to the locker room to towel off and throw on some deodorant because I can't let _him_ see my like this or I'll die.

Him. The man who has taken a 180 from being the man of my dreams to being the demon of my nightmares. The main reason that I don't want to be anywhere near here. This place is Hell and the devil always makes his appearance. I can't even avoid him, he's just... _everywhere_!

"Slow start?"

The voice comes from behind me and I wince because this so can not be happening to me right now, although I don't know why I can't believe it. Think of the devil and he'll appear. There's no avoiding this, so I turn around half-way deodorized and glare.

"The hell are you doing in here?" I accuse, trying to muster as much anger into my voice and gaze as possible. "Too good for class now, too? Being better than everyone else here not good enough anymore, Uchiha?" He frowns at me deeply for this, I never address him so formally, but otherwise doesn't look even slightly put-off.

"You talk real tough, dobe. We all know you can't back it up so just save yourself the trouble."

He walk in his too-tough-and-badass-to-walk-normally bullshit way to my open locker and leans against the one next to it. I look at him for a second, expecting an answer, but when I don't get one I finish up my pampering, running my fingers through my hair a few times for good measure, trying to look all calm and collected because I certainly don't feel that way, what with my heart threatening to claw its way out of my chest with its accelerated rate. But he doesn't need to know that. Hr doesn't need to know how glad I am that I decided to swim year round for the team. Because of that choice my bare chest is chiseled and I know I'm looking hot and dying inside because, please Kami, let him think I do, too.

I try to ignore him still standing there, leaning against the locker, but the constant constricting feeling of my heart doesn't allow me that reprieve, although he hasn't said another word while I finish up. He chooses to continue to not speak until I've closed my locker and started to put my shirt on.

"So why are you late? Losing sleep over me still?"

Insert me rolling my eyes under the cover of the fabric. I grind my teeth and pop my head out of the fabric to look at him incredulously.

"Fuck no! Why the hell are you here? If you're just going to bother me then just fuck off!"

"Heh, yeah, okay then. I see right through you, dobe. Too bad." He pushes off the locker with one foot and pushes past me, his arm rubbing against mine. I close my eyes for a fleeting moment to relish this, and listen to him exit the room. Then I bury my fist in my locker.

**oOoOoOoOo**

"He what?" Kiba huffs, looking at me over the table. I poke my lunch unhappily, wishing something more edible to appear. Gaara's hand stalls during his math equation process. He's copying down the notes from math today in my notebook for me, like he does every day. I always grab him a tray for lunch to pay him back. It's an unspoken agreement we have. Don't ask me how it happened, I don't know, I just know that it's been the same way for the last six years.

"I was wondering why he wasn't in third period." He finishes, throwing his arm around Hinata as she sits down. He gives her a loving gaze that I divert my gaze from subtly. I don't mind them. Bu they've been together since High School started and they're just so fucking happy and in love. Why can't I have that? Why did I have to fall in love with someone who doesn't love me back? Kiba's words pull me from my misery. "Maybe he wanted to suck your dick?"

"Really Kiba?" I groan, pushing my plate away and snagging one of Gaara's fries instead. He shoots me a quick glare but I pop it in my mouth and wink at him, causing him to roll his eyes and go back to the notes. I return my attention to Kiba. "Don't even say that! I can't even think about being like that with him anymore. He makes me sick!" Yeah, he makes me sick in every way. Heart sick, love sick, mentally sick...

"Yeah, it's not okay to put ideas like that into Naruto's head!" Sakura butts in suddenly and the whole table gives her a dark look at this, except Neji and Gaara, who seem to never hear a word that comes out of her mouth. How Sasuke and I dated on and off for two whole years and she still doesn't understand that kind of freaks me out. Like, how fucking oblivious can you be? The whole school knows, not to mention the village. Then again, she may be book-smart, but she has no common sense. Zero. And people think I'm stupid...

Everyone's gazes shift back to me, but I just shrug. The conversation quickly breaks up into several different ones and I gaze around at my friends. A few years ago it was just Gaara, Kiba, and me. Now there are fourteen of us, Sakura and Ino loosely included. We all know each other inside and out. At least, I thought we did. But they don't know anything about me anymore. I'm not the same person I was. I haven't been for a long time. Every day I feel a wall between us grow thicker and wider. They don't know me... And I don't know myself either.

"I'm going for a walk." I say, standing up. I'm suffocating in the black hole of happiness swarming around me.

"Naruto…" Hinata whispers, giving me a worried look. I hold up my hand and plaster a grin on my face. I walk off before anyone can say anything, throwing my trash away in the process. Gaara will probably grab my bag. I feel a twinge in my gut for just leaving it there with them, but I ignore it and put in my head phones, letting my feet lead me off of school grounds.

**oOoOoOoOo**

I forgot it was hot as balls out, but at this point I just can't seem to care anymore. My feet have led me to the park back in the wood. It has a lake and waterfall in the at the back and after recognizing where I am, I have officially made this my destination. So my iPod's blasting this badass indie band and I fall into this familiar rhythm of walking, bobbing my head the beat, and quickly spiraling downwards into my depression.

I need to find a way to stop allowing him to have this effect on me, but he bashes into my mind like a human kool-aid man every time I get a moment of peace, fleeting as it may be, and it's so not okay. This has become a routine, one that I am quickly getting used to. I'm getting used to remembering the feeling of his hair under my fingers, the view of his gorgeous calves tightening as he freezes mid-step to flick his lacrosse ball into the net. It feels as though I'm still looking into those gorgeous onyx eyes, the ones that pierce my soul every time he looks at me. I can still feel his stare, as though I'm about to dive in for my lap and I can look up and see him blatantly staring at me on his way to the locker room, making me all hot. It's like it's all still happening. But it's not. It just isn't, and he needs to get out of my mind... Bastard.

I take off all of my clothes but my boxers when I make it to the edge of the lake, and wrap my iPod and cell phone up in them safely… Which reminds me why I take such good care of my iPod. It's is because he was my Secret Santa at school last year, and he totally bought me this almost two-hundred dollar iPod touch, which, by the way, breaks every rule for Secret Santa, 'cause the gifts are supposed to be cheap, and the Secret Santa is not supposed to walk up to you and hand you said gift, explaining that they are indeed your Santa. But since when does the Uchiha follow rules? Never.

The water feels amazing. Absolutely worth skipping school to do this, to get away from the people I love the most that think they love me; but they can't, because they don't know me. But for now, I can forget, and this can be enough. It's enough when I begin floating on my back, imagining the water is his arms, imagining that we're back to the good days, when he wasn't doing drugs, when he wasn't hurting me, when we were just... Us. Happy and in love. My mind betrays me. Were we ever like that? There were so little moments that... Stop. I shake my head and drift back into trying to find my happy place. I let go, and focus on the slight tingle and stinging sensation from my leg. For now, I just want to forget.

**oOoOoOoOo**

My homework is officially abandoned, lying uselessly on the floor by my couch, seeing as I left my bag in the lunch room. Watching Adventure Time while hanging upside down from my couch has become much more interesting and the pain in my head from the rush of blood in my ears is no longer apparent. My cell phone must have gone off at least ten times since I got home six hours ago, but I just ignore it. They'll understand.

The timer dings, signaling that my food is done, just as the commercials start and I hurl my feet over my head and haul ass to the kitchen. So of course it's just as I'm walking past the door with my mouth full of ramen that my doorbell rings. I freeze.

First thought: _Definitely not going to answer_.

Second thought: _But who the hell could it be_?

Final thought: _So gonna regret this_…

So of course I answer the door. And then immediately try to shut it.

"What the fuck, dobe!" Sasuke's voice echoes through the remaining crack where he managed to jam his foot.

"What the fuck, Sasuke! Why are you here?" Is he doing this on purpose? Does he seriously hate me this much that he has to keep popping up randomly?

"I just want to talk."

"Well I don't. Go the fuck away." This is bullshit! He never 'wants to talk!" Sasuke does not 'talk'.

Silence.

"Please, Naru?" My heart breaks again. I can feel it all bubbling up: the anger, sadness, and hurt. Leaning back against the door weakly I will myself to not cry, to not show any emotion. He rarely calls me that, and only, I have noticed, when he wants something from me. I breathe deeply. I know I can't refuse him, I never have been able to. Even when he hurt me I'd accept his apologies and melt back into his palm, over and over again. Just like all of the times before, I step away from the door and walk back to the living room, sitting down and setting my ramen on the coffee table.

He doesn't come in immediately, but he follows nonetheless, ignoring my silent pleas for him to not come, to just turn around and leave. What could he possibly want? Hasn't he done enough? It's already been a week since he broke up with me _again. _So why is he here? This is not. Normal. It never will be. I should not be this unhappy and excited that he is back in my apartment.

Even if he knows my pleas, he ignores them, locking the door. He doesn't sit down, not even in his seat, just stands in the door frame.

_His seat._

Several minutes go by and I finally look at him, extremely irritated, and it all vanishes when I see the look on his face. He's wearing a wife-beater and the dark blue mesh shorts I bought him. He's also wearing my bracelet. His clothes are sticking to him, and my clock tells me he just got done with lacrosse practice, my favorite time, because he looks so delicious and he _knows_ it. So what does he do? He shows up, looking amazing, wearing the clothing I love the most on him, looking at me like his whole world is falling apart.

And I'm falling for it. Fast. And hard.

"What could possibly be wrong, Uchiha?" I know this game. We've played it a million times. I always lose. But this time I'm not giving in without a fight.

He doesn't say anything, just looks at me. Irritating. My anger sparks again.

"What? Speak! Or are you going to just stand there looking stupid?" And sexy. But he knows that. And he still says nothing. I fly off the couch, almost knocking over my abandoned ramen, and grab his collar.

"Why. Are. You. Here?" I snarl the question and punctuate each word with a deep breath.

He says nothing, but grabs the back of my head by my hair and slams his mouth down on mine in a kiss that makes me forget about the rest of my body and dissipates my anger. Of course I melt into his arms, as always, like he didn't just break my heart, for the second time in a year, just one week ago.

His tongue is so hot, and he hasn't hit his teeth against mine even once even though he's turned me around and pushed me up against the wall and is kissing me with such ferocity that my face is going numb. I can't even remember who I am right now, and I want him so bad and he's grinding against my leg and clawing down my arms and oh, fuck! I'm so hard. This is so wrong. I know it's wrong. He's not allowed to have this control over me. I was supposed to put up a fight! At least a little one... But he knows. He knows! He knows everything, 'cause he's so fucking smart with all of his money and his six pack and happy trail that I'm running my thumbs down. He knows that I can't say no to him when he runs his tongue of the shell of my ear, and the shivers that run along my body when his fingers run along my sides as he's pulling my shirt off like right now, and I know I need to stop him. Oh please, stop because I don't have the strength to stop you myself.

Someone knocks on the door. The instant absence of his body heat against mine is both a relief and heart breaking. I'm caught in a mind trap of telling them to fuck off and punching Sasuke in the face. He saves me the energy of the debate though by giving me a quick once-over before he goes to the door, opens it and walks out, pushing past Gaara without saying anything. I'm still leaning against the wall catching my breath while he lets himself in, placing my school bag in the kitchen. I'm unaware of anything else until I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest.

I swallow in his scent, a sharp wood and soap smell. It's calming to a point that I can't even understand, and the sadness I felt and the tears that were coming drift away while we stand there, and we don't move for a while. We're silent as I indulge in these moments with him. They are few and far between, seeing as Gaara isn't a touchy-feely person. So I hold onto him for dear life, until I find myself suddenly aware of my half-dressed state and I pull back to look up at him.

Concern is stamped across his features and his sea foam green eyes bear into my soul, the dark bruising intriguing me. He pulls back slowly once the hug is broken. I don't need to thank him. Actually, that would probably just make things awkward. So we head into the living room and finish watching Adventure Time together and he helps me with my homework. After several bowls of ramen and a demo game on Mass Effect 3 I walk him to my door. He stops short on my stoop and turns around to look at me.

"I'm here when you want to talk." He says, pulling on his helmet. I'm sure his Harley is parked in my unused parking spot. I just nod as he starts down the stairs into the dark, humid night.

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><p><strong>So there you have it. Chapter 1 of the revamped Take Me Away. Like I said, I'm fixing it up a bit, but this is my last time. I'm ready to wrap this story up. I'm working on chapter 9 right now. I know not much has changed, but the chapters will be longer, and honestly I don't want a lot of change. I like my story the way it is I just want to umph it up a bit for you guys, easier to read and understand. So, yay! Review? :D<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

_**Take Me Away**_

_**Chapter 2:**_

The effort it takes to not scream in response to the throbbing pain from underneath my jammers is astounding. It itches, it burns, and the chlorine is irritating the leftover wounds to a point where I almost want to cry. This is the result of cutting that I hate. I hate it because I feel better and worse at the same time. The pain keeps me distracted, as does the itching, but… The itching just sucks!

I run my palm down the length of my right thigh, trying to force some friction to ease it. It works for a second before it comes back ten-fold. Okay, now I'm angry. I glance at the clock. Lacrosse practice should be out soon. Fuck.

"Naruto! Move your ass or you'll be swimming an extra 500 after practice!" Anko yells, leaning over the side of the lane.

"Just a 500, maiden Anko?" An obnoxious voice echoes across the pool. It's Gai, one of the lacrosse coaches. He's also in charge of wrestling, but most people don't really count that 'cause…. Well the only guys who wrestle are the ones that can't pass the tryouts for any other sport. Except Rock Lee… But he's got the hots for Gai. So he doesn't count anyways. "You should make him swim a 10,000!"

Did I mention he's an idiot?

Anko finds this a good time to divert her attention to the moron, while I concentrate on the sweat-covered bodies entering the deck to go to the lockers. Another thing I love about swim, no sweat. No sweat equals a happy Naruto. Honestly, I never used to care. But that was before _he_ came along and I suddenly became aware of _all_ parts of my body. While we're on the topic of my body I should mention that someone else is acutely aware aforementioned body. His gorgeous eyes locked onto me as soon as he crosses the threshold. I'm pushing off of the wall into a 50 fly before I can even take the time to contemplate why he's looking. It turns out to be the most beautiful and fastest fly I've ever done, and Anko is gaping at me when I finish. I look up just in time to see black hair disappear into the locker room. I swam a 28.02. It takes 5 seconds to get to the locker room. Even though I don't want it to, my heart speeds up and I blush through my existing flush.

"Please. Please let me just kill him and put you out of your misery." Kiba's voice is soft and low, albeit a little weak from being tired. He clasps a wet hand on my shoulder and stares at the door. I sigh and shake my head, pulling myself out of the pool. He follows, grabbing our water bottles.

"What good would it do? None. I'd just be even more miserable. This way I can still have hope that he'll pull his head out of his ass and come back to me." I feel like we've had this conversation one thousand times. It always ends the same way.

"He doesn't deserve you."

"I never deserved him." I reply sharply. He will never understand. Sasuke is better than me in every way. I couldn't believe he could love someone so far under him as me. But he knows now that I'm not good enough, and that's why he left me. Both times. My love will never be enough because I don't have ovaries and I don't have money. I'm not what he needs. But I know he wants me. He loves me. But he shouldn't. He can't. At least, that's what he believes.

"Bullshit. You deserve the best."

"No one would want me anyways, Kiba." I'm starting to feel like a woman with all of my doubts, but I haven't been myself lately anyways. I know this. I guess I'm just tired of wearing a mask, always smiling. Lying. But I'm not even sure if that's the case. I didn't realize he'd stopped drying off and was glaring at me.

"You really don't use your fucking eyes, do you? Moron." He throws his towel into his bag, pulling on shorts over his jammers. "I can name at least ten people I know personally that would jump your bones, four of which that are guys, and only one of them is gay. And he would kill for you to even look at him half of the time. I don't understand you. I'm telling you, Naruto. Pay attention tomorrow, or even just at any time of the day, and when it finally hits you, you will be the Naruto we all love again. Happy. I promise."

And just like that he left me there on the deck, thoroughly confused.

**oOoOoOoOo**

You never realize how many texts you receive during the day until you start realizing that you're not getting them from the one person you want to text you. In my case, a certain Uchiha. But, I deleted his number when he dumped me, and so now I'm vegging out on my couch regretting that decision and dying inside because there's nothing I want more than for him to text me.

_Bzzzt._ I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life when I reach to pick up my phone and see who is messaging me. I have to fight back the disappointment when I realize it's just a text from Kiba declaring I should come out to dinner with them. By them I assume he means everyone we know… Fun. Not. See what I mean about not feeling like myself? So I decide a bath is the best route, but as I head down the hallway someone knocks. Again, I have a mental discussion with myself. To answer or not to answer? Of course, I answer. But not without looking through the peek hole this time. I'm greeted by a bob of red hair.

"Gaara? What are you doing here?" I ask, pulling open my door. He doesn't answer, just holds out a spare helmet to me. Looks like I'm going out with my friends.

**oOoOoOoOo**

Gaara's bike is amazing. It's fast, and big, and loud, and makes my tummy feel all funny when he revs the engine. In a, you know, completely non-sexual way… Most of the time. It's a black Heritage Softail Classic with black saddle bags and it is _so _amazing. I get excited just thinking about riding it. Did I mention I'm the only person he has ever allowed to ride on it? It doesn't have the back rest so you have to hold on to him and Gaara has, uh… Personal space issues, so everyone else who's asked is denied.

So now we're blazing down the highway towards the cabin where we all hang out on the weekends. I'm so excited to be on the back of the bike that it doesn't even occur to me that the last time I went here, I was with Sasuke in his Camaro ZL1. That is, until the ride is over and I'm staring at the yellow glow through the woods of what is inevitably my friends making smores over a giant bonfire. There are at least six cars parked in the shallow grass ditch. I don't move, my eyes locking onto the section of grass where our Camaro used to sit.

_Our Camaro._

"Naruto-kun?" Gaara's voice seems to penetrate through my skull like a nail. Not in a bad way, just in a I-was-in-the-process-of-being-depressed-and-you-interrupted-me kind of way. It's about now that I realize I'm still holding onto him.

"Sorry man. Don't know what's wrong with me." I laugh really hard at this and hop off. He stares at me darkly.

"Don't play that game with me, Naruto. I know you better than that. You can bullshit everyone else as much as you want, but I'm not stupid, and I'm insulted that you believed I'd fall for that fake ass laugh." He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, offering one up to me. I take it and lean against the nearest tree, pulling on it as Gaara puts a light to it. "I've known you forever, Naruto. You're my best friend. I think by now you should know that I can tell when you're being legit or not. And you're not."

I don't say anything, just pull on my cigarette for a couple of seconds. The smoke floats back into my eyes a bit, but I welcome the pain. I hear laughter travel through the trees and close my eyes, tilting my head to the sky. A warm hand finds its way into my hair and I close my eyes and lean into it. I know it's Gaara, even though I don't really care who it is at the moment. I just need the sensation… The comfort…

"Naruto! Get your ass over here, man! What the hell is taking you guys so long? You fucking?"

Sigh. Trust Kiba to be so vulgar and ruin my moment of serenity. In either case the hand removes itself from my hair and I'm forced to join the world of the living again.

As I guessed, the bonfire is huge, and Kiba, Tenten, and Lee are already hopping around drunk. Lee not so much drunk as excited but Kiba and Tenten are definitely wasted. Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Neji are sitting on a few logs, the girls roasting marshmallows, Neji finishing off a completed smore. Shikamaru and Temari are nowhere to be found, although I know I saw their cars. Choji has his own bag of marshmallows that he's trying to get Shino to try.

"Geeze! Finally you're here." Sakura huffs. "I was starting to get worried you guys weren't coming." Yeah, okay. I don't believe that one for a minute.

"Yeah wuht tewk you guys zo lawng?" Tenten tries to join in the conversation and fails miserably. Neji shakes his head slowly at his girlfriend, following his smore with a shot of sake. He may be shaking his head now, but he gets one more shot in him and he'll be more gone that Tenten and Kiba combined. Neji is even worse at holding his liquor than anyone else in the group.

"Just talking." I say, running over to grab a stick and shoving a marshmallow on it. "So I guess everyone's staying out here tonight, huh? Some people are gonna have to take the floor, ya know."

"Yuh, yuh. We'll figger that out latersuh." Kiba slurs, shoving a Yuengling in my hand. I nod appreciatively and suck it down like water. I practically dissolve my marshmallow in the fire when I shove it in quickly and then just throw it onto a grahmcracker without blowing it out.

"Naruto, slow down!" Ino yells, moving to hit me in the head. I dodge and stick my tongue out.

"Hey! This is the only way to eat a smore. Got a problem with it, leave a message with the front desk." I holler back. I then proceed to shove the whole smore into my mouth. Gaara nudges my arm and places a shot in it. I grin and down that too.

**oOoOoOoOo**

I don't know how late it was when I finally stopped taking shots and looked around to see that I had somehow made it into the sitting room in the cottage with Gaara. I don't remember seeing him drink, but I can tell by the way he almost missed the couch sitting down that he had been. I don't know why but the look on his face when he hit the arm was so cute, I laughed. And then when he sat down next to me I found myself rolling onto my back and laying my head in his lap. He looked down at me for a minute, confusion boiling up in his eyes.

"Will you…" I bit my lip for a second and blushed. If he could only stop looking at me for like, five seconds… "Will you… Do that thing… That you did before?" I small smile forms on his lips just before my nerves get the better of me and I look away. But just before I can sit up and run away in embarrassment, soft, thin fingers dig themselves in my hair again and I'm in Heaven. I could have laid there forever, just feeling his alcohol tinged breathe on my forehead, hearing his heart beat in my left ear, listening to my friends laugh and scream and argue through the windows.

But all things must come to an end, and end it did when Neji came bursting through the front door with Tenten wrapped around his waist, his face glued to hers, and wobbled to the back room to obtain one of the three bedrooms before anyone else could get to it. Next came Hinata, supporting a shitfaced Kiba to the other. Shikamaru and Temari were already occupying the last. So we just sat there in silence as the others slowly made their way in, Ino and Sakura procuring themselves the air mattress, giggling between themselves before finally fading out, and Choji, Lee, and Shino rolling out sleeping bags around the room, whispering their good nights, and Shino blowing out the only lighting, the candles, before curling up and drifting off.

Gaara and I sat there for a while, watching everyone sleep and the bonfire slowly burn itself out. The wind blew slowly, a strong smell of ask and dew lingering in the air. His hands continue their ministrations for a while, and I feel myself slowly sobering up, which means my heart is also slowly crushing itself back into what surely resembles a leftover shopping bag.

"I don't know… Why." I say slowly. Softly. His hand freezes for a second, just as it had before with the math notes, before he continues.

"It's not always 'why', Naruto." He replies simply. Or at least it should have been simple. But it wasn't. I just find myself confused and aching in every part of my body again. "You can't expect to be enough for someone who will never be enough for themselves, or will never allow themselves to be enough for you."

"But he was enough… He made me happy. He made me feel comfortable. And I did everything… Everything for him." I murmur. I feel his chest heave with a sigh against my head and finally gather the courage to look back up at him.

"Listen to me, Naruto. This wound? This gaping, aching, tearing, acid hole of a wound in your heart? It will never heal." This is not what I want to hear. "But, it will be filled. Slowly. Painfully. You will cry, and yell, and it will feel like a never ending journey. It may take months, it may take years. But slowly you will fill the sinkhole in your heart with the proper cement, the proper mixture of happiness and love and faith in yourself and others, to where you will come back even stronger. And although it may still ache some times, and yes, there will still be other parts of your heart not reinforced by experience for others to poke and prod at, and still some will come with machines of hate and sadness that will crack your shield and hurt you even more…

"But one day you will wake up, and you will realize that he is the one who has lost. He is the one who will be missing out. Not you. Not Naruto Uzumaki. You will find your life so fulfilled, your every dream made reality, your every wish made true, that one day you will pass him on the street, or see a picture of him, or meet him at a party, and you will know that you are better off now, more than you ever were before. And you will shake hands with him, and walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face."

I don't believe a word of it. I want to, but I feel like it is a lie. Just words to make me feel better.

"But I love him. And he loves me. I know he does…" I feel like I'm whining now. Maybe I am. But he doesn't flinch away, he just brushes my bangs out of my face and looks down at me sadly.

"Sometimes, loving someone, just isn't enough." And I know he's right. I know he's so right because he always is, just like Sasuke. So smart and insightful that it makes me want to spit. I know the words I want to ask before they even develop on my tongue, and I try to hold them back before I lose this comfort. But I can't. I pick at his wristband and make sure to focus on it, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you love me?" It comes out almost as a whisper, and I want to go throw myself into the remaining embers of the fire because I am _so_ turning into a woman. His hand has stopped again and so has his breathing. He doesn't speak. But his answer is quite clear when he pulls his wrist away from my hand and uses his forefinger to lift my chin up to place a chaste kiss on my lips. A kiss like none I have ever felt before. One that makes my stomach to loops and turns and makes my throat get tight with emotion. It envelopes me with his smells and even though it's closed-mouthed I can almost taste him, like I've done this one thousand times before and he's left his taste imprinted on the roof of my mouth.

I never want it to end. If this is a dream, please, God, never let me wake up, because this is too good and reality could never compete and I'll just walk through the rest of my life not being able to be fulfilled by anything, 'cause nothing can make me feel the way a kiss from the Gaara of my dreams can.

It's when he does pull away and I open my eyes again that I accept the reality that this is real. I just kissed my best friend. No. He just kissed me. We just kissed _each other_.Not only that, but he kissed me in the means of telling me that he loves me… No, that he's IN love with me.

And I have just realized…

That I am in love with him too.

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><p><strong>Well… That, I can admit, is not where I expected this chapter to go… But I'm pretty happy with it. Looks like this story may be shorter than I thought it would be. Chapter-wise at least… Well, review I guess, and I'll have the next chapter up as soon as possible. :)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks everyone for all the positive reviews and the adds. I really appreciate them. :) As for some questions I've received I'll go ahead and answer them seeing as I've been told multiple times, what is apparent to me in my head is never apparent to those outside of said head. So, as for why Naruto wasn't worried Sasuke would see his cuts, first I like to think that he was so caught up in the kiss at the time that it didn't even occur to him. Second, Naruto is cutting on his thighs, so that when he wears shorts or anything else, like his jammers, the marks won't show, and so he wouldn't even need to worry about it until they were actual about to, *cough, do the dirty. ;D**

**Oh and I know Gaara spoke A LOT in the last chapter near the end, but in the manga you can see that he tends to speak a lot when it comes to something he is passionate about, whether it be Naruto or the alliance or whatever. So, yeahh. Oh, and I hope everyone realizes they're all 18 or 19, seniors, and go to the same school.**

**On to the story!**

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><p><em><strong>Take Me Away<strong>_

_**Chapter 3:**_

My parents should have named me Nessie or Nina or something because I am totally becoming a woman. After Friday night's bonfire and that little situation with Gaara I have not only not returned any his texts, but have purposefully been avoiding him. I know it's stupid but, I mean, think about it! How am I supposed to respond to something like that? What do you do when you realize that even though you're in love with someone (or at least… You think you're in love with someone), you've somehow managed to also fall madly in love with your best friend of God knows how many years, without even realizing it?

Like, when did my pulse start speeding up when I get a text from him? And when did my breathing start getting shallower when he stands next to me? At what point did I start getting a tingling feeling on my body when he touches me? When? And couldn't I have been given a notice? Someone could at least have leaned over and been like, "Hey, Naruto. You're falling in love with Gaara. Cut that shit out." But noooooo! It just isn't allowed to be that easy. So why would it be any easier for me to avoid the fact? I knew I couldn't avoid it forever but, more than just two days would have been nice. Enough time for me to get my thoughts straight. Or straight-ish at least.

Unfortunately, God had other plans.

It was actually the end of school Tuesday and I was at my locker when he finally caught up to me… And put his fist through the locker to the right of me.

"So, what? You're just over me now?" Sasuke's angry face bears down on mine and I swallow deeply, my heart quivering from intimidation, a twinge of pain in my heart, and happiness. Yup. Definitely a woman.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" I manage to stutter out, clutching my math book to my chest and leaning away from him into the lockers.

"Every moron in this school is yapping about how 'Naruto Uzumaki moved on to the second hottest guy in school, Gaara Sabaku.'"

'Kay so I really want to just go somewhere and throw up right now because I cannot handle these emotions. I'm not really sure how to reply 'cause he looks really mad and I feel good because I want him to be mad, and I want him to be jealous. I want him to be so jealous that it eats away at his insides and makes him want to rip his intestines out. Okay, I don't want him to actually do that but you get what I mean. He doesn't even deserve that in my opinion right now, 'cause he's playing with me again, trying to make me feel bad. But not this time. HE dumped ME. _Again._ And he has no right to be jealous, even if it does please me. I have every right to move on… Not that I'm sure that's what I was doing, but still!

"Where do you get off, Uchiha? Huh? You have no right to dictate what I do with _my _life. Especially when, per your request, you're not part of it anymore!" Pleased with my advanced grammar I turn my back on him to put my book away and slam the locker just in time to be spun around and slammed up against it.

"I still own you and you know it." He whispers, inches from my face, and for the first time in my life, I'm uncomfortable with the lack of space between us. And I'm angry. He _owns _me? Fuck that shit. I used to love being like his property, cause he values his stuff like nothing else, but that is no longer the case. Its still surprises me when my fist comes up and makes contact with his gut, though, knocking him back into a group of girls.

I don't give him the time to look up at me with a look that I'm sure would burn a hole through my skin. My feet carry me down the hall at break neck speed and straight out the double doors, taking the stone steps three at a time, and hauling me off down the street.

_Oh my God… I just punched Sasuke. Sasuke UCHIHA. I'm going to have to transfer. There's only a month and a half left until I graduate and I totally screwed myself! They're gonna kill me!_ I'm now taking the steps to my apartment two at a time, sweat collecting at the back of my neck, and fumbling to pull the keys out of my back pocket. It takes me longer than usual to unlock the door, and I end up falling down once I manage to… And coming face to face with three pairs of sneakers.

"So… First you think you're good enough to be loved by Boss, and pine after him like a dog. Then you insult him by moving on to that useless punk. And now you decide that you're going to lay your hands on him, and in front of people too. Poor choices Uzumaki. Very poor choices."

It's Sasuke's cronies: Suigetsu, Karin, and Jugo. Seeing as Sasuke is the head of our schools largest gang, I knew this was coming. How else do you expect him to have all that money? He's an orphan, like me, given up at birth, he doesn't work, and any remaining family he has left refuses to claim him. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot for ever allowing myself to get caught up in this, but people have done stupider for love, or, as I'm beginning to slowly accept, the idea of love. And I'm going to pay for it.

One of the boots meets my face, causing a spurting nosebleed and almost absolutely causing a black eye… Or full side of my face, but let's not be so specific. I barely have time to let out a curse before another boot makes contact with my back, effectively silencing me. They wail on every part of me for some time. I don't know how long but it goes by more slowly then I ever could have imagined. Karin is standing in the corner laughing with a camera. They finally back off and walk out my door, Karin taking care to step on and grind my fingers into the linoleum floor.

The door shuts behind me and I feel the liquid build up on the bottom of my eyes. My whole body hurts, there's a darkness behind my right eye, the blood from my nose and God knows where else is pooling on the floor beneath me. I manage to roll over onto my back after a few minutes and stare at the ceiling. The dwindling sunlight outside informs me of just how long the beating went on. A good hour, maybe two… I'm lucky to be alive, I realize now. Should probably head to the hospital, make sure that I don't have a concussion or something, but that would just bring questions that I don't want to, and can't answer. So I find a way to lay my head on the carpet, slow down my breathing, and allow myself to fall asleep in the doorway.

**oOoOoOoOo**

_Bzzt..._

_Bzzt… _

_Bzzt…_

_Bzzt…_

Opening my eyes is not an option. They appear to be swollen shut. If not completely, enough to where it would be futile to attempt the action. My arms also appear to not be able to function. I'm only slightly aware of a throbbing pain in my chest, but only because the pain in the rest of my body seems to be more prominent. So, needless to say, there is no way I'm going to be answering this phone call either.

I say either because I've been receiving phone calls for the past several hours. My phone must have moved a good two or so inches in some direction from vibrating across the floor.

_Bzzt…_

_Bzzt…_

If I could manage it I would groan. Loudly. However I can't. So I just allow the phone to vibrate until it goes to voicemail, a quick beep informing me that I have another voicemail. I begin to count. Right on schedule, at one minute and thirty seconds the phone begins to vibrate again. I ignore it and begin to focus my attention on my fingers, starting with my pointer I curl each digit, then my toes. And work my way inward: wrists, ankles, elbows, knees. It's when I get to my hips and shoulders that I have more than just slight twinges of pain. I feel around my chest and feel a rib trying to puncture a hole in my chest. There's a thick sticky substance covering my neck, chest, and stomach that I assume is blood. I groan and I feel the rib press into my lung.

And then about rip the hole myself from jumping when someone knocks on my door.

"Yush?" My voice comes out wheezy, weak, and painfully.

"Naru?" Gaara's deep voice penetrates the wood. Of all of the people, it had to be him to actually come over. "Are you okay? Everyone's been calling you all day wondering where you've been. What are you doing?"

"…Away." Okay… That was supposed to come out differently but I couldn't manage the words. "Jus' go awuh." The door opens, knocking against my legs. Damn it. They could have at least locked it behind them.

"What-" And he's seen me. I can almost see his face, confused for a split second. Then turning angry, viciously angry. "What the FUCK happened?" The yell he lets out makes me flinch and then groan in pain. I can hear movement beside me, then cool but sweaty hands are placed on my hands, arms, legs, neck, chest, and face. He examines each inch of my body before closing the door and walking off. I hear rummaging in the kitchen, ice being placed in a bowl, then water running. He places the bowl on the floor next to me then goes back into the kitchen, digging through the drawers. He's beside me again now, tugging at my shirt. It takes me a moment to realize he's cutting it, up the sleeves, across my chest, up my stomach. He then does the same with my pants, thin windbreakers.

"It's gonna be cold." He murmurs. I still flinch a bit when he places a wet rag over my face, then he drags a rag down my chin and neck, cleaning off the blood I assume. It hurts like crazy, but he's being gentle. It takes a long time. He wipes the blood off of my hands, abdomen, and neck, all the while adding more water to the rag over my face. He's careful, doing his best to not hurt me. My heart feels overloaded with emotions. I would do anything to be able to watch him, see his gorgeous eyes scanning diligently over my body. Half-lidded with care and concern, concentration.

A bag of ice is placed on my chest before I hear him collect all of the items and head back into my kitchen, then down the hall. When he returns he places a pillow under my head and situates himself next to me.

"Thank yush." I whisper. He doesn't reply, but his fingers brush lightly against my arm in response. I breathe deeply. I feel so much better. He even wiped up the rest of the blood off of the linoleum around me. Nothing else is said. Nothing needs to be said. He picks up my phone, types up a message, then turns it off. I relax into myself, focusing on the slight pressure of his fingers running up and down the inside of my arm, his breathing coming from somewhere to my left. My consciousness starts to drift away.

**oOoOoOoOo**

I come to suddenly. A cold liquid is dribbling down my stomach. I reach for it but a hand quickly slaps mine away.

"Don't touch or I will take you to the hospital, brat." A female's voice breaks through the silence.

"Granny?" I moan. Damn it. Could this get worse?

"It's Dr. Tsunade, brat. Gaara called me to come take a look. Did a good job of cleaning and patching you up but you needed to be checked for a concussion and someone to look at your broken rib and so here I am." She then proceeds to push my rib back into place quickly. I yell out and try to keep conscious as she rubs my chest down with some foul smelling liquid. "Alright sit him up a bit." Gaara's hands slide behind my back and lift me slightly, allowing her access to wrap bandages around my chest.

It's now that I realize I'm laying in a bed. I assume it's mine since she said that she would only take me to the hospital if I resisted. And Gaara is still here. How I knew it was him lifting me up I'm not sure, I just did. I can tell there's a bowl of ramen somewhere near, too. Beef. It's making my mouth water.

Tsunade finishes with the wrapping and Gaara lays me down against the pillows lightly.

"Alright. Make sure you eat a lot, drink plenty of water, the works. The swelling around your eyes has gone down significantly. Gaara's going to stay with you most of the time but you should be able to be up and walking tomorrow, and be able to see to do so." She collects her things and exits the room and leaves.

"Here." Gaara sinks into the bed beside me and steam flows up into my face. I squint over at him, trying to see his face. Gaara? Feeding me? I slowly open my mouth, and the warm liquid and noodles find themselves inside and onto my tongue. I relax. I want to remember this moment forever.

He feeds me the whole bowl, then goes out into the kitchen. My eyes begin to feel heavy again, and the warmth in my stomach is lulling me to sleep. I'm almost asleep when I feel him crawl into bed again next to me. His fingers slip in between the ones on my left hand.

"Is this okay?" He asks. I almost can't believe the uncertainty in his voice. Is this really Gaara? The unemotional, closed-off asshole I've known almost my whole life? Taking care of me, feeding me, crawling into bed with me and holding my hand?

My heart beat feels funny, almost like it's going faster and slower at the same time. I squeeze his hand and run my thumb over his knuckles.

"This isn't your fault." I whisper. My swelling seems to have gone down enough to allow speaking. His grip tightens. "Don't be like that. This is Sasuke's fault. He's a selfish bastard who doesn't care about anyone but himself. There was nothing you could do."

"I didn't think he would ever do this. To send his cronies? Cheap." He shifts uncomfortably.

"Like I said. Bastard. He thinks he owns me." I sigh, and my heart hurts. Damn it… I still have feelings for him. Suddenly my hand wrapped around Gaara's feels wrong, like I'm lying to him, but I don't release it. I begin to go back through my mind, reliving memories, laying right here like this with Sasuke, kissing, cuddling, making love. Suddenly my whole body aches again and I consent to try to go back to sleep, images of him still flashing through my mind, and I know another restless night of sleep is ahead of me.

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><p><strong>Ugh. I don't like this chapter. It's short and kinda choppy... Sorry. But, only a few more left, one or two. Idk yet. We'll see how long the next one is. But yeah, let me know what you think. Please review, maybe I'll have more encouragement to type it up haha. :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay, new chapter! I'd like to take this time to beg people to please review! All the positive feedback I can get would be amazing, not just on my plot and all of that but on my writing styles and grammar too! It would be very helpful. Thank you! Enjoy. :)**

**Oh and sorry again for taking so long to update haha… 33**

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><p><em><strong>Take Me Away<strong>_

_**Chapter 4:**_

I've been laying here for a good hour now, not moving. Gaara's pressed up against my side, curled up into the crook of my arm. Up until about ten minutes ago I was afraid of moving and waking him up… Until I realized that he was already awake. Still I just lay here because the warmth of his body is the most amazing feeling I have ever had the pleasure of enjoying.

He takes a deep breath, pulls away, and after a few seconds a soft click informs me that he's left the apartment, probably for a smoke. The instant his body left mine I found myself submerged in a unique coldness that one only feels from the lack of another body, and the sudden objection to a two-day onslaught of liquids that has probably left my bowels bruised. So I decide to slowly open my eyes, but a blinding light pierces my cornea and I whip my hand up to cover them, only to gasp in pain and wince from the sharp pain that rips through my chest. After a few shallow breaths I try again, slowly sitting up and placing my feet on the carpet.

The world is spinning. From weakness or pain I don't know but it takes an unusual amount of effort for me to remain sitting up. However I manage to stand and slowly work my way out of my room and across the hall into the bathroom and do my business, not bothering to turn on the light. I then sit down on the side of the tub and allow myself to relax and get my bearings in the dark.

_Think, Naruto. How long has it been? What happened to you? Why are you in this position?_ And everything starts flooding back. I've been knocked on my ass for three days, two of which I have been under Gaara's care. Sasuke's cronies came and kicked said ass. The result of which was three fractured ribs, half of a bruised face, and a broken knuckle. Tsunade said this some time ago when she came to patch you up. Only she, Gaara, and you know what happened. Well, at least that's one thing to be thankful for.

The blinds are closed all throughout my house, which is odd since my curtains are always open seeing as I prefer the sunlight, but it's also a relief because my head is really killing me and every bit of it is like a bullet in my temple. But even that won't stop me from throwing two containers of instant ramen into a pot with some water and spice. I pull a coke out of the fridge and lean against the counter to watch the water.

Then I feel him as he starts to intrude in my mind. I'm standing in the same place, doing the same thing when I see him strut into the kitchen, running a towel through his hair. He smirks up at me and throws some half-hearted insult at me about how I always stand here waiting for the water to boil. Of course it boils faster when I'm not watching it. I just want to. But even after saying it one thousand times he'll never understand, so I just ignore him. But being the Uchiha he is, he walks up to me and leans against me, pressing his pelvis into my stomach, kisses me full on the mouth, and pokes me in the cheek. Then he gives me something fun to do in order to pass the time.

I open my eyes quickly before I swallow my tongue. It feels like it's increased three times its size and fallen back into my throat. Suddenly Gaara being here seems wrong again. He shouldn't be here. This is wrong. _Wrong._ I'm leading him on again. Or at least that's how it feels. And I know I have to tell him to leave because I can't do this to him, no matter how much I may or may not want it.

The door clicks open and he walks up the hallway, filling my house with his scent and the lasting bits of cigarette smoke. We make eye contact and he looks me up and down, his eyes glazing over in an emotion I can't quite identify. When I don't say anything he grabs his jacket and helmet. I take a few steps in his direction, wanting to say something, anything, but I'm silenced when he looks at me again.

"Gaara..." I begin. But I don't know what I want to say? I'm sorry? Don't leave? I love you but I can't? No. All wrong. And so I don't say anything. Just watch as he nods slowly at me, and quietly walks out the door. I didn't need to say anything because he already knew. He always knows…

I can hear the water boiling furiously to my left. I wish it would drip into my veins and boil my heart along with it. I'm choking on my tongue again and it feeling like my mouth is full of blood. Turning off the pilot I grab the pot and pour all of the ramen into a giant bowl and sit on the floor of my kitchen to eat it. It's unnecessarily hot but I down it quickly, scalding my mouth and throat, effectively cutting out the iron taste. The steam seems to give me heart burn but it's not enough to stop me from thinking. From comparing the feeling of Gaara curled up against me to Sasuke pulling me into his chest. Gaara's soft red hair against my chin to Sasuke's coarse ebony locks in my fingers. So different. But these feelings are still so similar, so relatable.

And the look in Gaara's eyes when he left. I hurt him. Once again. That was the emotion: Resignment. Reluctant acceptance that I'm not ready to let him in because I'm not ready to let go of Sasuke. Because... Because what? Why can't I? Because he bought me nice things? Because we had great sex? Because he was "popular" and cool and sexy and made my heart jump out of my throat every time I saw him?

No. It's not any of those things. It's because I'm not happy unless I'm being stepped all over by him. Because I allowed myself to be second. I allowed him to take advantage of me, and as long as he was happy, I allowed it. Because I taught myself to accept a useless existence. Because somewhere inside I'm a sick, masochistic dumbass.

My bowl is empty. The bottom of it stares back at me as open and deserted as I feel and the numbness begins to sink in. I can't feel angry. Nor sad. I can't be happy or relieved, confused. None of it. I'm just a shell of a being. Nothing left to contribute to anyone. Nothing left anywhere. I don't know when I made it to my bathroom because only seconds ago I was sure I'd never move again from the lead weight in my arms and legs that seemed to emanate from my heart and head. Surely if I get in the tub I'll sink. I'll drown because I won't have the strength to continue sitting up. Just breathing seems like too much work…

Even the pain from my ribs is faint as I lower myself into the steaming liquid, making sure to not dip my cast or whatever into it. The water still has a slight mint smell from my last bath. Hinata says it's supposed to be soothing and sometimes it is. Sometimes it'll distract me and I'll be getting pruney and tired from just laying there thinking as I stare at the ceiling before I even remember the razor in the basket on my toilet. But not this time. This time I'm already running it down my thigh before it even occurs to me that I've grabbed it.

That familiar zipper-like noise tears through the semi-darkness and silence in sync with the opening of my flesh. Slow, melodic. Like my own symphony of relief. Some hair gets caught between my skin and the blade and is pulled out as I make my way down my thigh, increasing the… The what? It can't be defined as pain. It doesn't hurt. I'm too numb to hurt. It's like a thought. The only reason I can feel it is because the blood makes me think of pain and my body registers that as a feeling. But it's not really there.

Ha. Ha. Joke's on you, you useless cubical of flesh and nerves. Nerves that for ninety percent of my life have been shot. Useless. Fake.

Within probably two minutes of thought I've left about six wounds on my thigh. I favored the right one today. I didn't mean to do so many. I'll regret it in the morning when the itching makes me want more… But for now I drop the razor on my chest and watch the water mix with the blood and drip down my leg. A slow smile creeps across my face as I stare blankly at the cuts, pulling the skin apart to allow more room. To deny any cells from clotting and ending my show. Then I just lay back and watch. Nothing could be better than this.

**oOoOoOoOo**

"So you're feeling better though, right? You had us all worried, dumbass! Could have at least replied to our texts or something!" Kiba's sharp voice explodes through the speaker on my phone.

"I told you, the battery died. There wasn't much I could do seeing as I was unconscious."

"Well next time find a way!"

Apparently Gaara (thank God) didn't tell anyone that he had been babysitting me for the last few days. Since it's not exactly unlikely for him to skip school no one really thought it unusual for him to not be there and didn't relate his absence to mine. It also appears that no one was told what really happened to me, but that I'd gotten sick and on my way home I apparently passed out and fell down my stairs: 'Cause we haven't heard that one before.

"Okay, next time I'll remind unconscious me to shoot you a text telling you, 'I'm okay, just unconscious. Won't be at school for a few days.'" I reply sarcastically. Seriously, it was only, like, two days that I was absent, including today. I don't understand why he's freaking out so much. I mean… If he knew the real reason I hadn't been at school then I could understand. I guess falling down the stairs from passing out is kind of a big deal too but… Well he's just being melodramatic. Two days is not enough time for it to be considered serious enough to be yelled at for not texting. I guess.

"Good." Is the curt reply I receive. And then the line goes dead. It takes all of my effort and then some to not send my phone flying across the room into the wall. I hate it when he hangs up on me like that. It's so fucking rude. But remembering that my ribs are still weak from their recent head-to-head with the loser trio I just drop it beside me, lay my head back onto the pillow, and pick up the remote.

As to be expected there's nothing worth-while to watch on the TV at noon on a Tuesday so I settle for Jerry Springer and watch two fat chicks go at each others' throats screaming something about "I fucked your baby daddy and now he's gonna be my baby daddy". One of them throws a weak right hook which barely makes contact and I roll my head backwards to stare at my front door. Maybe it was my imagination but it sounded like-

_Knock. Knock._

"Frack." I mumble to myself. Of course someone's at my door. Why wouldn't they be? Why should I get a day of peace? So I drag myself off the couch, throwing my blanket onto the floor and drag myself weakly to the offending piece of wood. "Who is it?"

There's no way I am opening that door again without knowing who's on the other side.

"It's me." And that is why. Of all the people to be on my doorstep, it's Sasuke Uchiha.

"Fuck off." I reply, and head back to the couch. Of course it's not until I'm settled again that I notice the doorknob turning and I remember the spare key he never returned. I fly off of the couch much quicker than I should have and land on my knees and hand, using my injured arm to cradle my aggravated chest. The pain makes my eyes tear up and it's not until he's right above me that I remember why I'm in this state.

"Dobe." His nickname-insult-thing cuts through my heart worse than the pain in my chest and I glare up at him.

"Now is not the time, asshole." I'm gritting my teeth so hard it hurts. Of course he's already examining my injuries, since I'm just wrapped in bandaging that covers the bruises on my chest half-heartedly and my knuckle is just kind of there for anyone to see. For a moment I'm slightly relieved that all that's left of my facial wounds is a lacking black eye that's settled somewhere on the top of my cheek. That is until his expression changes to one of grief.

"I didn't send them to do this. They just did it on their own." His voice sounds weak, but not apologetic. Not angry. It's almost like fear, like he's afraid of something. But Uchiha Sasuke is only afraid of one thing, his loss of status, and so the tugging feeling of sadness I had at first melts away as quickly as it came. He's not worried for me. He's worried for himself. That it will get out. That I'll tell and he'll finally get caught and no one will give a damn about him anymore. No one will care about Sasuke fucking Uchiha. Asshole of the school who uses anyone and everyone to get what he wants: male, female, nice, mean, anything. If he can step in you to get himself somewhere better, he will.

"The hell you didn't. They were here waiting for me when I got home, didn't even get through the front door before they greeted me oh-so-kindly. They got a nice video of it too. I'm sure you guys sat around with your popcorn and sodas and had a real pow-wow over it." I can almost taste the venom in my mouth, and it feels good. It feels so good. His expression changes again. So many expressions for such a short amount of time, I'm amazed. But the one that he settles on it distinctly angry, and I almost back down.

"Screw you. You think I'd send them to kick your ass? If I wanted you beaten to a pulp I'd have done it first and then sent them to finish the job, don't you think?" His hands clasp around my neck and he bears down on me, pulling me up slightly off of the floor and getting right up into my face. Once hands that could make me weak from their passionate touch, now slowly making me weak from lack of oxygen. I watch as his expression slowly changes to maniacal.

"I'd have come over and beat you until you couldn't stand for a month. Make you look as stupid and worthless as you are. Embarrass you like you embarrassed me in front of the whole school, you bastard." He doesn't raise his voice, just makes this loud whisper. The skin around his eyes is tinted a reddish color, as is the flesh of the eyes themselves and it occurs to me that he may be on drugs again. And if that's the case, I'm in serious danger.

His face goes in and out of focus for a second as I struggle to get some small amount of air into my lungs. The blood begins to rush to my head and I can hear it like a train behind my eyes and in my ears. Desperate. My body is as desperate as my mind to get some sort of oxygen to my brain to keep me going, keep me alive. But it's losing the battle as lights begin to pop again in front of or behind my eyes. My sight begins to darken around the edges and I'm starting to get tunnel vision.

He's laughing as he releases me and throws me to the floor of the living room and stands up to head to the door. I'm coughing up blood and spit all over my carpet, wheezing to suck in that which I so desperately need, but I'm still losing consciousness. The last thing I see through my spotted vision is him drop the spare key in the bowl, turn around and spit on the floor, and walk out, slamming the door behind himself. Then my eyes roll into the back of my head and all I can think is one word. One person I would give anything to have with me right now. And all feelings I've ever had for Sasuke roll out of the door as quickly and surely as the bruises form on my neck and I allow myself to be filled with this one word, this one person who I have pushed away for so long and would now kill to have wrapped around me.

_Gaara…_

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><p><strong>Well… Another half-par chapter. Sorry guys I have really been pushed to my limit with school and work and stuff but I promise I'm getting on it. Hoping the next one will be longer. I'm planning hopefully at least two more. But we'll see. This is going a lot faster than I had planned. Review! :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Well. Next chapter up. Hopefully I can get this back on track to where I wanted it, now that we've got past all that choppiness. :P Enjoy. **

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><p><em><strong>Take Me Away<strong>_

_**Chapter 5:**_

I stare intensely at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, running my fingers across the bruises on my neck. The tops of my lips and the flesh surrounding my nostrils and left cheek are still slightly discolored a soft pink from where I slept in the blood from the nose-bleed that started after I'd passed out. The carpet in the middle of my living room is still doused in a grotesque brownish-red colored blood that's hard to look at. I don't have the strength or motivation to clean it yet. Plus, my whole body hurts. But the part that hurts the most is my heart.

You'd think you know, right? You watch movies, read books, see it on TV or at school or work and you think you know how it feels to be heartbroken. You emphasize with them and so you know. But you don't. There's no pain in the world like it, except maybe a death. Which just goes to show how little you know about it really, because they are the same pain. Heartbreak is just the death of a part of yourself, where the large part of you that allowed that one person to be your happiness, your life, is ripped out of you. Torn from your very soul. And you bleed, and bleed, and bleed until it fills up your whole being with a thick, sluggish, acid-like substance that causes even each individual pore on your skin to hurt. So that you feel that you're being slowly crushed and torn apart at the same time…

I clutch at my chest, like that'll ease the pain somehow. Tch. Right. I know that there's only one thing that'll help. My eyes flick to the basket on my toilet, my nails clawing into my neck. My eyes blur and my fist makes contact with the mirror, cracking it up the side, before I fling myself out of the room, slamming off the light. In my room I grab a handkerchief, tying it around my neck loosely, and my cell phone before I race down the hall and out the door, not bothering to lock it.

The walk to Kiba's is short. He lives in a large compound about a mile from my house, which seems far for someone who hasn't made the trek innumerable times over the course of their whole life. As it is, I don't even have to think as my legs pull me quickly in the correct direction, the sun beating down on me. This spring has been unusually hot, disconcerting for someone like me, who prefers more mild weather. But nothing's going the way I would like it, or even slightly in my favor lately, so it's really no surprise. I mean, me getting my ass kicked in my own apartment for having my heart broken by God's Greatest Asshole. And then being choked out by said Asshole. Both are great examples. At this point just thinking about him makes my stomach turn so I dig my nails into my palm and bite into the corner of my lip until it bleeds.

I turn onto a path behind the complex and instantly pull up short, realizing that I have not thought this through at all. Knowing Kiba, he may just flip his shit. I think back on our earlier phone call. Yeah, there's a high probability that he's going to. But I have to tell someone. I have to finally let it out and open up to someone besides Gaara, because I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm dying. Being swallowed up inside of myself. I'm suddenly aware of a dull throbbing in my hand and I stare at my knuckle, watching the blood trickle down my fingers, bubbling up at the slit in my skin. Bubbling up and filling with all of the memories, the anger, the pain, the drugs. Slowly coming out, being shown to the world. This is it. I've done everything I can to keep it to myself, but I'm abruptly at the end of my rope. I'm hanging by a thread and it's fraying. Fast. And before my next thought can develop, I'm running.

I don't knock when I make it to the glass door. Haven't needed to for years. The last time I did Kiba's sister just got mad at me so I gave that up in a hurry. I just rush through, dropping my keys on the bench and take the stairs two at a time up towards their game room on the second floor, trying to staunch the increasing blood flow from my hand in the process to avoid staining the carpet.

Kiba's sprawled across two bean bag chairs, a bowl of pretzels on the floor beside him. Neji's on the couch and Shino's laying on his stomach on the floor. The three of them are locked in a furious co-op match on Mass Effect 3. Of course they're kicking ass, as the timer counts down to the end of the last wave and Kiba starts kicking his feet sporadically, shooting as many Husks as he can. The game ends just as they each make their last kill and the screen loads their score, one that I would never have believed had I not just seen it.

"You guys amaze me." I say, causing Kiba to jump so bad he knocks over the pretzel bowl.

"Jesus, Naruto! The hell is wrong with you?" Kiba barks, throwing them back in the bowl. Neji smirks at him and places his controller on the arm of the couch, scooting over to let me sit down.

"In his defense you should have heard him. Sounded like a stampede coming up the stairs." He murmurs, shrugging.

"Well if you heard him you should have said something!" More shrugging from said Hyuuga.

"In any case, did you recently join a gang or something? Cause that handkerchief isn't your best choice of accessory." Shino says, sitting up and turning towards us. "And do I smell blood?" Shino has unnatural smelling abilities, as does Kiba normally, but he seems to be a little off today.

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Kiba yells. "This is my house you know!"

"Yes, and you're welcome to leave it if you don't shut up." Neji replies curtly. This effectively manages to shut Kiba's trap. "Alright Naruto, out with it."

"Well, I wasn't expecting you guys to be here, but I'm actually glad you all are 'cause I have something really serious I need to talk to you about." I say, throwing my arm over the back of the couch, and then crumpling into myself from the pain. Definitely forgot about my ribs.

"This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your injuries and new accessory, would it?" Shino asks. I just nod and jump right into my story, leaving out some bits about Gaara. I haven't quite come to terms with everything there and it's not necessary to inform them of such things at this point, especially when even I haven't properly thought it through. This is about me getting past the… Well, past. Not starting a new future. I need this first.

By the time I come to Kiba's phone call all three are sitting up noticeably straighter and I find myself hesitating. This is the point that I know there's no turning back from. People get beaten up all of the time by those three, and other members of their gang, just for looking at Sasuke the wrong way, so that's nothing new. Although they are still obviously pissed off. I take a deep breath and finger the material around my neck as I start in on the phone call, and work my way slowly into Sasuke's visit. When I come to the part about him chocking me I pull the handkerchief away and shift my gaze to the floor, not wanting to see any of their faces. The room is deftly silent. Waiting. And so I finish, ending with waking up on my living room floor in a pool of nose blood, breaking my not-so-harmless mirror, and then heading here.

Still, silence. No one moves or says anything, I'm not sure if anyone even blinked. Even the air seems to have stopped and gained a new weight. The next thing I'm aware of is Kiba standing up and walking into the bathroom, then the sound of water coming from that direction and Shino pulling out his phone and dialing a number. Neji leans over towards me and checks my nose, mouth, and then runs his fingers across the bruises on my neck, giving me a quick once over to assess the damage.

"The nose-bleed was from the lack of oxygen and the quick rush of blood to your head after he released you, I assume?" He asks softly, locking his eyes on mine. I figure he's just confirming the fact that my nose isn't broken or something, so I nod. My nose had already healed from being broken or whatever by those creeps. A loud crash comes from the bathroom, and I assume Kiba's broken a vase or something. Still the water runs. Shino's muttering quietly in the phone, still facing me I guess, but I can't really tell, what with his sunglasses and all.

"Have everyone here in fifteen minutes tops." He says then flips his phone shut. He then stands up and follows Kiba to the bathroom. I look down at my knuckle, both hands now covered in what once was the warm liquid, but now exists as a crusty colloid, and my heart clenches suddenly. I look at Neji worriedly.

"I don't know what to do. I think he's on drugs again, man. You know how he is when he's drugged up." I whisper quickly. My heart starts beating really fast and I think of the time when we broke up the first time and he came at me with a knife. I had played it off to him just being depressed and confused because of our break up and, of course, the drugs. He only gets like this when he's on them. The deterioration of his body finding places of his brain to pick apart, driving him insane… Right? "I don't want him hurting, Neji. I know he still loves me. I want to help him."

Neji just shakes his head at me. "He's got problems Naruto. Someone who tries to kill you, twice, doesn't love you. They don't love. Not themselves or anyone else."

"I don't believe that. I refuse to accept that. I know he's a good person. He just makes bad choices." I bite back. He falls silent at this, and his face falls in resignment. "I won't give up on our bond."

"You're still defending that bastard? Fuck, Naruto. You really are thick!" I turn around too quickly for it to be comfortable to stare at the bathroom door. Kiba stares at me incredulously, his hair dripping excess water down the side of his face. So that's what he was doing, washing his face to keep himself calm. He's maintaining his composure much better than I have ever seen, and I know that he's doing it for my sake, to make this a little bit easier on me, but he's losing the internal battle quickly, his face starting to change colors, and he grips a moist washcloth in his hand until it dribbles water onto the wood floor. "He doesn't care! He doesn't care about anyone and you know it and yet here you are, trying to find some sort of reasoning for his actions? Drugs or not, he is a fucked up person and something needs to be done about him. First, we handle his little dip-shit friends. And then we find Sasuke and we do something about him."

The venom in Kiba's voice is acrid. I've never seen him like this, so hateful. Kiba gets mad, oh yes, and easily. But never is he hateful. And every word from his lips is dripping with spite. I find myself trying to put more distance between us as I slowly stand up and back away, but he advances on me and I'm leaning against the banister with him towering over me as he glares down on me. I know his anger is only partially directed at me but the heat radiating off of him still creates a barrier that shuts off my voice and all I can do is gape like a fish.

"Here we sit. Every. Day. And watch you waste away, pining after this… this… Ugh there's not even a proper word for him!" He throws his hands up in the air, spraying me slightly with water from the rag, and then rounds on me again. "Trying to help you, trying to pull you out of your hole! Doing everything we can to show you what a worthless person he is, and even when he shows you, when he _chokes _you _out_, you still can't see. He. Does. Not. Love. You." The last sentence is huffed out in fragments, like he's hammering it into my head, down my throat, into my heart, searing it into my soul. "He _can't _love you! He's not _capable _of love. He's a drain! A drain on everything you are, everything you could be! Look at yourself! The Naruto we know would never, _ever_, allow someone to treat him this way!"

Tears are welling up underneath his eyes now, and he grabs my forearms softly, his hands wet and sweaty, the rag cool. His voice is considerably lower and softer when he begins talking again. "He will never change, Naruto. Never. And you know that. As much as you want him to he never will. Sasuke chose this life for himself. And he used you. And he abused you. He tried to _kill _you. Twice!"

I've fought with myself for a long time to forget Sasuke coming at me like that, knife raised above his head, his eyes wild, bloodshot, ringed with red. It seems like such a different man from the one who'd kiss my forehead when he left me at my classroom door. From the man who tucked the blanket around my feet when I laid on the couch. The man who would force me to do my homework and then run a bath for me when I was done, adding just the right amount of mint… They couldn't be the same man… Because Sasuke would never hurt me. Because he loves me… Because we're friends and so much more…

And then it breaks. The unseen barrier my reality and just hard fact. And the conclusion I thought I had come to when I flung my fist at the mirror comes back to mind and I realize he's right. And that just like everyone in my life, including Kiba, is much smarter than me, and I am the biggest idiot on the Earth. But I'm still not angry, and I'm not sad. Once again, I am numb. I feel nothing. Nothing feels real. Nothing feels right. And this room is too small. This house is too small. This town is too, too small.

"Okay…" It comes out in a hoarse whisper, and I catch him off guard. Apparently while I've been in my own world making connections in my mind, Kiba has still been ranting.

"What?"

"I said, 'okay', I understand." I repeat, and I push him back softly. I can hear footsteps in the common room and treading up the stairs. I don't want them here. They don't need to be here. "But I want to help him. I don't want any more violence." I hurry across the room and tie the handkerchief back around my neck before Choji's head appears over the top of the floor, followed by everyone else. I'm not surprised when Ino and Sakura don't join the entourage.

For once, Kiba has nothing else to say, and he walks back over to me and grabs my arm, pulling me with him into his bathroom. He turns the sink back on, wets the rag, and begins to clean my hands, paying special attention to the cut. I don't say or do anything. Seems like all anyone does these days is hurt me or take care of me and I hate all of it. So weak. Weak. _Useless._ He pours peroxide over it and my eye twitches from the bizarre feeling, but I still don't move as he wraps it with a clean bandage.

"Let's leave town." He says, so quietly I almost don't hear it. I don't answer, just look down at the top of his rustled brown hair. After a second he looks up at me and repeats himself. "Let's go out of town. Just you, me, Neji, and Shino. Next week is Spring Break. We can take the rest of this week off since we're not really doing anything anyways, pile some stuff into my truck, and we can all head out to the beach house. Five hours from here, no other people. Just the sand, the ocean, the sky, and us."

It's said as a suggestion, but I know he's telling me. I have no choice. He's getting me away from Konoha if he has to tie me up and kidnap me. Luckily for me, I'm actually feeling this suggestion, since in just the last fifteen minutes my world has shrunk to a minuscule size. I nod dumbly. I can almost feel the sand already. Dulled though, like through a cloud, a thin layer of something only slightly tangible between myself and any object or formed thought.

He breaks out into a wide grin and winks at me, standing up and ruffling my hair. Like a brother. The brother I never had but has always been here for me no matter what we went through. No one could ever take the other's place, and any significant effort would be seen as laughable. And now the first real emotion I feel is disappointment in myself. No matter how many horrible relationships with girls that Kiba went through, where they torn him apart with cheating, lying, arguing, he never let it affect our friendship. And here I am, my first real boyfriend, and I almost let it ruin us.

"Hey, Kiba?" I find my voice just as he's almost out the door and he turns around to look at me, honest interest written across his face. "I really want to go. I think that's just what we need. Are you sure Hinata won't be mad?" His laugh echoes around the room, deep and friendly.

"Man, she's the one who suggested it. She's going to be out of town over break with Tenten and them anyways so we don't even need to worry about feeling bad or anything 'cause they're not there. We all need to get away from each other anyways, always breathing down each other's necks. The girls can have their time and we'll have ours." He leans forward for his next comment. "Besides, if we're gone for a while, it's almost a guaranteed lay when we get back." And then he walks out, laughing loudly, his nose turned to the ceiling.

A small laugh escapes from my chest, almost painfully. When was the last time I laughed? Hell, when was the last time I even thought about laughing? The small spark of happiness and humor is gone, replaced with disappointment again. I really screwed things up, letting myself become this shell of a person. Even if they forgive me, or already have, I will never be able to forgive myself.

I turn and look at the mirror, Kiba's laughter ringing in my head. Spring Break at the beach house, huh? No empty house, no school, no Sasuke. Five hours away from this hole. I set my face and lift my head, try to look confident, and I slowly begin to feel it spreading out. Confidence.

Bring it on.

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><p><strong>Yay! This chapter makes me happy. The truth comes out about Sasuke and Naruto's abusive relationship, Kiba lets Naruto know just how he feels about the whole thing, finally breaking through his barrier, and finally, Naruto is progressing. :) <strong>

**I guess now would be a good time to state that this is going to be longer than I thought, haha. I don't know how long just yet, but I'm going to keep them around 3000 words ea (comfortable number for me, seems I get all of my thoughts down and can transition to the next part of the story at about that number) and just see where everything goes. Review? :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**So… I just want to apologize and defend myself for a moment for how I have basically abandoned this story for several years. I broke up with my ex after a difficult relationship, and then a couple months later I found out I was having his kid. SO I have been working through everything as a single mother working and going to school.**

**But I am back. And I want to write this story for you guys. I really hope I still have everyone's support and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**I filled my void, and Naruto will eventually heal too. Of course he can't have a child to do that but you get the point.**

_**Take Me Away**_

**Chapter 6**

The water is cool on my feet, as the waves crash upon the beach and rush up to greet me. It's quiet at this time in the morning, as the sun begins rising above the skyline. It's beautiful, achingly so. My heart seems to be pumping blood through my veins loudly, counteracting the hum of silence around me.

It's been two days since we left Konoha for our trip to the beach house. My rib hasn't fully healed but the bruises have almost faded and I feel better. Like it was just a bad dream. Of course, I know it wasn't. But that's okay. I have distanced myself and I am actually enjoying being here. A full night of drinking with the guys and reminiscing about when we were in Elementary School and Junior High. Remembering all of the times Kiba and I got detention for sleeping in class or pranking our teachers. Eons ago, it feels like. All of the laughing, happiness. No emptiness. Full.

I think back to the day I went to Kiba's to talk to him, and how they all reacted. Angry, upset, confused. I can't feel, so they felt for me. Of course, I'm sure they know that. They can see it in my eyes.

Shino called over everyone to meet us at the house and we played video games and ate junk food and they laughed as though they were never going to stop. They even pulled a few chuckles out of me, like when Tenten flipped the bowl of pretzles on Kiba's head after he complained about me scaring him causing him to knock it over. It was good. It was nice. It was home. And I loved it.

Gaara wasn't there. And he isn't here now. I continue to think about how I need to talk to him when I get home. I need to tell him that I'm in love with him, but that I can't be right now. I can't love him right now because I don't love myself right now, and he deserves someone who can love him so much he nearly suffocates from it. If he'll give me some time, eventually I can be that man.

I pick up the half empty pack of cigarettes beside me and light one up, sucking in the toxic fumes which tingle my throat. I watch the sun rise further into the sky and breathe out. I think I may be suicidal, I realize. That's part of why I smoke. I'm too chicken to wipe myself out by cutting too deep or hanging myself… Jumping in front of a car. No. With each puff of the cigarette I dream of an illness that will slowly pull the life out of me. Make me suffer. Make me look on the outside as I do on the inside.

That's sick. I feel repulsed by myself.

I take another drag.

"I thought you weren't smoking anymore." Neji's voice pulls me from my thoughts and I look up at him to my left. He claims some sand and stares off at the sunrise.

"I wasn't. But I wanted one." I reply quietly. He just nods. He understands. That's how he was with alcohol. He still drinks occasionally, but only on a few occasions and he can normally stop himself before he gets too far gone. The bonfire last week was an exception.

My chest swells with pride, knowing that my friends and I helped him through that and that he continues to diligently fight against it. He's so strong. And now here he is, with the same people who helped him fix himself, helping me. I am so lucky.

"Shino is making breakfast." He says looking at me. "French toast, bacon, and eggs. I'm going to have to run one hundred laps around the village with Lee to work it off." He smirks. He can play tough but he can never deny Shino's cooking. None of us can. It's fucking delicious.

I stand up and brush the sand off of my calves and shorts. He follows my lead and we walk up the stairs to the house in a quiet, comfortable silence. The house smells effing delicious. Shino is slaving over the food and I watch as he pulls the bacon out of the oven.*

KIba walks into the kitchen with just his sleep pants on and plops himself down at the island and we all take out respective seats. Shino doesn't like when we serve ourselves, mainly because Kiba and I always fight about the other getting more food, so he dishes it out and we all dig in.

"So I'm thinking we should jut never leave this place again. Like, ever. The girls could come live here and we can just spend forever doing this." Kiba grunts out through a mouthful of food. I squint at him with a grossed out look on my face. He knows I hate when he does that.

"As amazing as that sounds, Kiba, you know it wont work." Neji mumbles, a smirk on his face. "I don't know about you but I don't want a GED." KIba laughs obnoxiously.

"You're right, but it sucks." He shovels more food into his mouth and thankfully swallows before talking again. "But lets take the jet skis out."

I grin.

oOoOoOo

Riding on the jetski is the second most amazing thing in the world, following riding on the bike with Gaara. The salty wind in your face, the sudden splashes of water when you hit a wave. It's amazing and it makes me feel alive. Warm. Happy. I grip the handles tighter and stop as I hit a particularly large wave that almost knocks me off and despite the pain that rips through my body from my injured rib, I can't hold in the laugh that bubbles from my chest and out of my mouth. Yes!

Kiba grins at me as he pulls up beside me and I can see the silent challenge on his face. Two seconds later and we're both off, flying towards the beach, neck in neck. As we approach closer I look at him, wondering if he's going to stop. He's determined. We're gonna play chicken. The beach rushes towards us at an alarming rate but I'm not slowing down, excitement bubbling up in my chest. It's coming closer, closer, and closer still. He veers off to the right and I let go of the gas just in time to slow down enough to ride up slightly onto the beach.

"YEAH-HA!" The scream of joy sounds foreign coming from my mouth and all three pull up around me.

"Yeah, yeah, you won, crazy ass." Kiba grumbles, a grin plastered across his face. I jump around and gloat at him. This is amazing. I feel so good. Why can't I always feel like this?

With that, the feeling is gone. I rub the back of my head and look at them.

"I think I need a nap." I mumble. "I only got a couple hours of sleep last night." They just look at me as I push the jetskii off of the beach and hop on, heading towards the dock. I wrap it up and head into the house, dragging my feet softly through the sand. We only have five more days here. When we return I have to know what I'm going to do in regards to Sasuke and Gaara. I have no idea…

My head hurts. I strip off my trunks when I get to the guest room and head to the shower. Turning the hot water on full blast I stand under the scalding water, relishing the pain on my body. I sit down on the shower floor and run my hands along my thighs. So many scars and wounds littering them. I never thought I would be one of those people. Cutting myself. I was always so happy. But then I fell in love with Sasuke, and every time that we argued, every time that he hit me out of a freak moment of anger, or both times that he dumped me, I let all of my feelings out in an unhealthy way. But it feels _so _good.

I sit on the shower floor until the water runs cold. And then I sit some more. Think, Naruto, think. How can you fix this? How can you help him, and help yourself? Why is this so hard!? I yell and punch the wall and turn of the water, hastily climbing out. I am suddenly very tired. So, so tired. I just want to know how I'm going to handle this, and yet, I barely have the energy to walk across the room to the bed.

Falling across the large mattress nude I curl up into a ball, still dripping from my shower since I didn't bother drying off. I feel the covers soak up the water as I lay there, thinking, thinking. Five days. Gaara. Sasuke. Drugs. Love. Abuse. Smoking. Cutting. Sex. Anger. Happiness. Emptiness. Empty. Empty…?

And then I realize what I've been over looking the whole time. Emptiness. He's empty too. He can't handle the emotions, because he doesn't have any. He has the same problem, but instead he does drugs instead of cutting. Or does he have too many emotions? Are they all clamoring to get out and he holds them in with his stoic expressions and grunts? He can't handle it. And he never will. Unless, I can get him help… And I will.

oOoOoOo

The next five days flew by so fast I feel like I can barely remember them. The ride home in Kiba's truck was full of laughter, singing off key, and dirty jokes about what Kiba though he and Neji were going to do to their respective girlfriends when they got home. Neji seemed to approve because he had a huge smirk on his face.

Kiba dropped me off at my place and I hurried inside dropping my bags in the hallway. I look around the house and it almost feels foreign. It looks the same way I left it. The carpet still had a slight brownish tint to it where I couldn't quite clean up the blood, but despite my urge to clean the house before I left I feel like the only thing I did was that and the dishes. Blankets strewn about in the living room, empty ramen cups on the counters, a beer bottle on the TV stand.

Looks like home.

I pull out my phone, determined to stick to my guns and do what needed to be done. I need to take care of this before it gets more out of hand. I need to fix myself. And then I can del with everything else.

Pulling out my phone I dial a number I normally would never use, but keep in my phone for safety. She's the only one I can rely on and her expertise in the medical field has helped me out hundreds of times. And now I need her, more than ever.

And unhappy and confused voice comes through the line and I have to breathe deep before I speak the next words. I clear my throat.

"Granny… I need help." I whisper.

*If you've never had bacon that has been cooked in the oven, your life sucks. Try it. But if you have a gas oven, make sure the bacon is on the bottom rack. I've caught the oven on fire before. xD

**So, I know. I know it's short. But I hope I have wetted everyone's appetite and that you enjoyed it. Next one should be up in the next week. Let me know what you think! I love your reviews! *Muah!**


	7. Chapter 7

***peeks over barricade* Don't hurt me! I'm so sorry it has taken so long. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of this story! I realized I lost my direction and I had to write out how I wanted this to go. I just want to write the best story for y'all! Forgive me!**

**Also, my laptop broke. So now I have to use my mom's tiny ass thing and the keys are all squished together and it's slow typing. : ( I sowwy.**

**Last but not least, thanks for the favorites and reviews guys! I would love some more input and reviews if y'all have time. I relish them! K, thnx! Enjoy! :***

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><p><em><strong>Take Me Away <strong>_

**Chapter 7:**

"_**I… hurt myself today**_

… _**to see if I could feel…**_

_**I focus on the pain**_

… _**the only thing that's real…."**_

I have known Granny my whole life. In fact, she was the doctor who birthed me. Normally she worked in as a surgeon in the ER, but she and my Mom were apparently very close. Unfortunately, her renowned medical abilities were still not good enough to save my Mom's life when she hemorrhaged, but I don't hold it against her; just as I don't hold it against her that she couldn't save my Dad's life two weeks later when a car wreck landed me in the hospital and took him. I was lucky to survive, she always reminds me, and to only have the six scars on my face from where the glass cut me just added to the miracle. Of course, sometimes I wish I had died.

Granny Tsunade became my official guardian when they pronounced my father dead. She raised me (mostly). Of course, she was never around much after I got old enough to take care of myself. And before that I mostly had a nurse taking care of me. On top of being a surgeon, Granny is on the medical board and head of the Konoha Hospital. So she is busy all of the time. I figured if I was going to be at home by myself all of the time I might as well have my own place, so she got me my apartment and sent me on my way. Since I turned sixteen I only see her occasionally, when I get sick or in a fight or she just randomly stops by to bitch at me about my grades and that I need a job.

But, I know she loves me. As much as she puts up a front, she has a huge heart. I can't even count the number of times she's dug into her alcohol stash over a lost patient. It's rare for her to lose a patient but is inevitable. But she is a hard ass too. Nearly everyone close to her has died, and after years of pain she finally closed herself off. It really rubs Sakura the wrong way because she's Granny's apprentice and Sakura never gets the positive attention she wants from her. But it's really because she just wants Sakura to succeed. She only really has Jiraiya, Sakura, and me left and she keeps a tight and firm grip on our balls (Sakura's metaphorical ones, too.) However it's because of this that Sakura and Ino don't like me much. The other one is Sasuke, because Sakura so desperately wants him. I wonder when she's going to realize he likes cock.

It's because of this that even with her busy schedule she came immediately over to my house, on a Saturday morning, no less, and is now sitting on the floor running her fingers along the faded scars on my thighs.

"Naruto…" Her voice is the weakest I have ever heard it as she examines me. After explaining everything that has been going on she insisted I show her my cuts and make sure they weren't infected and stuff. It makes me uncomfortable. This is not something anyone should see. I don't do it for attention. I don't do it to make people feel bad. And I'm certainly not doing it to kill myself. If I was doing it for those reasons it would be on my wrist with no cover, where the skin is the thinnest and my veins are much more accessible. No. I do it because I need to feel something; and because, occasionally, I need to let some of these feelings out.

The uncomfortable feeling in my stomach gets worse when she looks up at me and her emotions are so… _raw _in those golden brown eyes. Loss, confusion, failure, defeat… And most of all, determination. It's comforting and disturbing at the same time. I don't cause other people pain. They cause me pain. Always. This is… Wrong. I feel wrong. Like if I move too quickly, the whole world will shatter, break into a million pieces, and all that will be left is me. Slowly fading away.

"Naruto," She starts, standing up to sit next to me. She takes a deep breath, assumingly to calm herself, her voluminous chest heaving, and then locks her eyes on my _soul_. I open my mouth to defend myself, because I just _know _she is going to scold me, but she speaks before the words ever begin to form. "Do you have any hobbies?"

I sputter, confused, my argument caught in my throat. Hobbies? She's asking me about… Hobbies?

"W-What kind of hobbies?" I ask quietly. She looks at me, wondering. Probably thinking, he's not _that _stupid, is he? But I feel that stupid. So stupid, in fact, that it wouldn't surprise me at all if I really didn't have a freaking clue what she was talking about.

"Like, sports, writing- things like that." I guess my expression changed because she looks a little relieved. I am too, because I do know what she is talking about.

"Well… I swim at school and occasionally… I sketch." I say, slowly. The words feel like paper in my mouth. I don't understand why I feel like this. I want to run away. Run away and hide, hide from the pained look on her face. She is looking at me so seriously, looking through me, like I am a window and at any point she can reach through me and pluck out my organs, crush my heart in her hand. And I wish she would. God, I wish she would light me on fire, so I can die, die feeling _something_, anything.

Instead, she continues on the topic of hobbies.

"Okay. Here's what we are going to do." She stands up and walks over to my kitchen to pull a strip of a blank grocery list off of my fridge, and a pen from my silverware drawer. She looks at me for a second, knowingly. I've never used them, and she knows that because she is the one who put them there, and if I had used them, they would have been lost by now. But she doesn't say anything, just walks over with the paper and sits down on the couch, laying it down on the table. She then begins writing as she speaks.

"Once a week, every week until I say otherwise; let's say…. Tuesday night at eight, you are going to come have a meeting with me to talk and fill me in so that I can keep a record of you and give advice." She doesn't look at me for confirmation, because she knows that swim gets out at six thirty, and even though the last meet was a month ago we continue to swim year round. Swim could be my ticket to Konoha University in a year if I can get a scholarship, and raise my grade. "On top of that I am going to prescribe an antidepressant that you are going to take once a day, in the morning, every day."

I nod my head. She writes some more and then sets the pen down to look at me. "I'm going to give you an extra one hundred dollars to go buy groceries. I want fresh, unexpired milk, vegetables, fruit, and meat in your fridge and freezer by tomorrow night. And then… And this is going to be the hardest part so listen to me." She stops for a moment and looks at me seriously as though I've been looking at the wall instead of her this whole time. "This medicine is going to cause your moods to shift quickly and dramatically for a couple of days until your body gets used to it. When that happens I want you to fill out a diary. Keep track of your emotions daily. Also, do your drawing, especially when you feel like you want to hurt yourself. Use it as your outlet instead. Okay?"

I feel like she has just told me that I need to shove a cue ball up my ass. Which honestly… Yeah let's not go there.

"Okay… I'll try." I reply slowly, not quite confident about all of this. She seems convinced though and stands up.

"Okay well just go to the pharmacy today and pick up the medicines, I'll email them over, and do your shopping. If you ever forget what you're supposed to be doing, I'll leave this on the fridge for you." She walks over and pins it with a magnet, accompanied by a definite _snap._

Then she places two fifties on the table and turns to give me a slightly wavering smile before she leaves.

**oOoOoOo**

I don't feel like going shopping and decide to stay in the house for a while. My head is still swimming with everything that has been covered in just a few hours. So I sit at the table, staring at the green slip of paper attached to my fridge.

This is what I have to do. This is where it all starts. But I'm scared. I'm not ready to do this. I'm not ready to fully accept that I have a serious issue. If I go to the store… If I pick up those meds it will all become too real. To… Serious.

But I have to. I know I do. I need to do this, for me. I need to think of me; but I don't want to. I don't want to have to think about me. I don't want to think. I just want to fade; fade away. Shred myself down to the chemical level and disperse across the world. I want to fill someone else's body with what they need to survive and push them on, forward, because I can't. I'm stuck. I'm constantly being dragged back into the hole as I'm struggling to crawl out. Even the ground is against me, pulling, sucking me down, down into the dark. Away from my friends, away from my life, away from the world.

I tear my eyes away from the mocking list and grip my hair, instead directing my view to the table. This kitchen table where we used to eat, where he kissed me the first time, where we made love the first time; over and over until my mind, soul, and body were weeping from passion, weeping from the power of my release. Now, all I do is weep from the loss. The pain. The useless sack of flesh and bone that he left of me, left to fester and decay into a never ending black hole of _nothing_. _NOTHING!_

My head hurts. Pulling my hands away I find strands of my hair entwined in my fingers, ripped freshly from my head. My fears. My woes. My hatred. Embodied in these slivers of myself. Slowly my hand tilts, and they fall away. Slowly they fall from my grip onto the kitchen floor, far away from my mind, far away from me, and I fly across the kitchen, rip the list off of the fridge, pocket the cash Granny left, and am ripping my keys out of the bowl while simultaneously wrenching the door open. It's time. No more. I don't want to be like this anymore.

Walking outside I realize that it's getting late, the sun is already setting, and the sickening heat is tapering off into a damp, cool air that is much more manageable. Faces pass me by but I don't pay attention to them, I just focus on my goal, on the pharmacy and grocery store three blocks from my house. If I hurry I can catch the pharmacy just before they close, which will irritate the hell out of them, and the store is open twenty-four hours. Then I can take all of the time in the world to grab the food.

Picking up my pace even faster I blow through the town like wind and manage to catch them two minutes before six, which is when they close. The lady at the counter scowls at me, which isn't exactly abnormal. People in this town don't normally like me because I cause such a ruckus. Or I did before I landed myself into the hole. But she still fills the prescription, letting me know that Granny took care of the insurance and all of that junk that I don't understand, then closes the grate in my face. It irritates me for, like, two seconds before I remember to not care.

Grabbing a cart I start to march down the freezer and milk isle, grabbing a new carton and some eggs. I'm trying to figure out that the fuck the difference in fat makes in accordance to ground beef when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. Whipping my head around I come face to face with Gaara, only a few inches separating us, and my heart jumps into my throat in excitement. I realize that I have missed him. A lot.

He looks at me, studying my face, and I feel a brush creep up my neck before he gives me a small smirk, then gestures to the fridge-thing.

"You're going to watch the meat with the least amount of fat. Knowing that you don't like fat in your food." He says quietly. I'm confused before I realize that he's talking about the meat. I'm to lost in his greenish-blue eyes to register everything completely and I just stare at him before pulling myself out of my trance and looking at the packages again, muttering a quick thanks.

Once I find it I throw two in the cart and look over to see him still standing there. But he's not looking at me, he's looking in my cart; directly at the pharmacy packet with my doom in it. His eyes snap onto mine and I can barely see a question in his eyes but I look away and quickly bring up another topic.

I still have a few groceries to get, wanna join me?" I ask. He seems to take the hint and gestures for me to move on with him.

"You know, normally people buy the cold foods last… So that they don't defrost of go bad." He says quietly. I look down at my cart, knowing his right and mentally punching myself in the face for being so stupid. "Also. You can't cook. Except ramen, so why are you buying groceries?"

"Granny bitched me out about it and demanded I eat more healthy." It's only a small fib. One that isn't unbelievable, one that no one will look into, and one that certainly won't be cared about. So he just nods and we turn down a spice isle. He places his basket into my cart and pulls down some bottles in various shades of brown that I have no clue about. Without saying a word he throws them into the cart and continues down the aisle. I follow him like a sick puppy, staring at the way his ass looks in his brown, cut off pants.

We spend a half hour wandering down isles, occasionally stopping for him to throw some items in the cart. Once in a while he asks me if I like a certain food or something or the sort, and I spend most of the time examining his body from behind, feeling a small clench in my lower abdomen that I stamp down. Besides the short questions, we're quiet. He doesn't make fun of me when I don't know the difference between cabbage and lettuce, he doesn't complain when I pull Diet Coke instead of regular Coke out of the rack. I find myself not missing following Sasuke around the grocery store, but instead really enjoying myself. I don't have to be extremely happy or loud around Gaara. I don't feel the need to overcompensate for my aloofness. I can just be… Me. For some reason that makes me feel even better than I thought possible right now.

By the time we make it to the counter my cart is filled with a number of foods that I can't even guess at a name for. But I pay for it all the same and we carry the bags out of the building. IT's at this point that I don't know how I am going to get all of this food home, when he stalks over to his Harley and opens one of the saddle bags to pull out the extra helmet and replace it with food. I follow his lead and put mine on the other side, holding onto the eggs and bread. Then he takes me home.

Once again a comfortable silence is around us as we head inside and put away my groceries. (He didn't have anything perishable so he left his in the saddlebags). Then, to my utter astonishment, he putts out some food and begins cooking, still not saying a word.

"Do you, uh… Want some help?" I ask, a little confuses. He turns to give me a short no and then returns to what he is doing. I look around the kitchen, trying to think of something I can do. I don't even know what he is making so I can't pull out silverware or anything. With a defeated sigh I walk over to the couch and plop down. As I reach for the remote I see my school bag tossed upside down on the floor, my Literature book glaring at me.

There are only three months left of school this year, and then my junior year is over. If I want to go to KU, I need to pick my grades up. I have D's in all of my classes except gym, and an astounding 2.7 GPA. But I need to go. I want to eventually be the school Principal or a Mayor or something people look up to and who has authority. In order to do that I need a degree of some sort. I can't begin to start next year. My grade right now will drop me another two points.

It's with these thoughts in my mind that I reach for my bag and settle into the couch with my laptop and begin working on my essay.

An hour goes by and it's nearly eight. The sun is flashing golden and orange rays of light through the quickly darkening sky, and a delicious smell is wafting through the house. I'm over half way done with my essay, only two paragraphs to do, and my stomach begins rumbling. I look over when I hear Gaara crossing the threshold and he stops walking. If his jaw has ever dropped before it's certainly trying to now. His eyes are locked onto my computer screen where I have Word pulled up and pages of my essay typed out before me.

He recovers quickly, and takes a seat on the couch, setting a bowl down in front of me.

"Are you… Doing your essay?" He asks slowly. I look into my bowl of green and brown food and poke it with my fork. I was hoping for ramen.

"Yeah. What the eff is this?" I sniff it and it smells kind of salty but not much else. He chuckles a bit in his throat.

"That's interesting, and roast beef and cabbage. Don't knock it till you try it." I look at him suspiciously. "Don't make me feed it to you." Now that is a challenge I have to accept.

"I don't know, Gaara. Looks kinda nasty to me. I don't think I will." I huff and put the bowl down. His eyes glint. My stomach rumbles.

"Sounds to me you're too hungry to be arguing about this right now." I glare at him. He shouldn't be able to hear my stomach growl. That's just weird. He doesn't say anything else though, but sets his food down and pulls my spoon up to my mouth, full of the food from it. He holds it steadily in front of my face and I consider not accepting it. This would be the second time he has fed me. But this time it's different. This time I'm not wounded. I'm just… flirting.

So with that in mind I lick my lips and open my mouth in a wide "O" as I engulf the spoon. His eyes widen a bit as I take more of the spoon in then is ever, ever necessary, but I pull back quickly like I do it all the time. It's really… Good. But not nearly as good as I'm imagining Gaara would taste, bobbing in and out of my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. I unconsciously swallow. He hasn't moved yet, the spoon still hanging in the hair between us. Instead of pulling away he takes his thumb and wipes the corner of my mouth, taking a little dap of the juice from the food off of my lower lip, before popping the thumb in his mouth and licking it languorously.

Bastard would turn this around on me.

We both return to our food as the air suddenly turns awkward. Both of our bowls are cleaned and we've had seconds before he speaks again. We're standing by each other cleaning the dishes when he turns to me.

"So are you starting to take school seriously?" I look at him, shocked, and almost drop the plate I'm drying.

"Well, I have always taken school seriously, Gaara!" I exclaim, sarcasm dripping. Then begin laughing until I choke. He let a little chuckle rumble in his throat but he's still looking at me seriously. That look sobers me up pretty quickly. I turn back to the dish. "I am. I'm starting to worry about the future. I need to turn my life around now. I figure my grades was a good place to start. I'm also going to apply for some jobs." I say quietly.

"Well… You can think about the job thing when the summer rolls around. There are plenty of serving jobs, newspaper jobs, yard work jobs and the like around here. For now, we can focus on your grades. Let me tutor you." This time I do drop the plate.

"Tutor me? You mean like, you and me, alone, all of the time?" I say quietly. He bends down to pick up the plate (plastic because kami knows I can't have anything nice).

"Yes. _Studying_." He emphasizes the 'studying' part. I don't know if he does it more for me or for him, but it relaxes me a bit. It also make my heart hurt.

"Gaara. We need to talk." I mutter. He sighs.

"I already know what you're going to say." He whispers, and turns to walk away.

"No you don't!" I holler, but he doesn't turn around, just picks up our helmets off the table that holds my key bowl. "Gaara! Listen to me." He doesn't.

"Gaara, _I fucking love you!_" I think people in the United States heard me. He turns to me slowly, putting the helmets down. The look on his face is clear and definitely readable. _What?_

"It's true. I do. I think I always have. But… You don't understand. I have… Issues. I have to work through them. The meds I got are… For that." I slump down into one of the dining room chairs. "I'm not distancing myself because I don't want you. I'm doing it because I _love you_. But I'm no good for you right now. You… You told me that no one can truly love someone until they love themselves, right? Well I don't love myself. I hate myself. And being with me will only cause you pain, either from me or from Sasuke's cronies. I have to take care of myself and my situation first. I have to heal, and I have to fully let Sasuke go. Only then can I truly love you."

He doesn't move.

"I don't… I don't know how long it will take. I welcome your help more than anyone else's. I... I need you. I want you. I won't ask you to wait for me. But… if I will. I promise I will be more than you could ever imagine."

Silence hangs in the air for a moment before I hear movement. He crouches down between my legs, placing himself in my line of sight that has been steadfastly fixed on the peeling tile of my kitchen floor. His expression is unreadable this time, as his hand comes up to brush through my hair. Then, before I can even react, he pulls me down into a bruising kiss by the hair on the back of my head, and my soul is flying. Tingles through every part of my body and once again I find myself thinking that Sasuke never kissed me like this. When his tongue flips against my lips from entry I moan into his open mouth and immediately relent to his possessive, yet gentle touch. We taste every inch of each other's mouths, trying to bury ourselves in the other. To connect. For me, to keep feeling. Because nothing matters when Gaara is here. Nothing matters except him, and me, and our feelings for the other.

We break for air, and he crawls into my lap, not allowing more than an inch of distance between our faces. In a slow, hesitant motion he pulls my face back to his, but he doesn't kiss me. He places his open mouth on mine and I follow suit. So now we're just sitting here with our open mouths pressed against the others and I almost begin to feel awkward. But then I can feel it. I feel the air pulled out of my mouth and chest, and his breath coming back into mine. It continues. Out of my mouth, into his. Out of his mouth, into mine. In, out, in, out. My chest clenches. I understand. Right now, in this moment, with his hands on my face, his thumbs running along my scars, and my arms around his waist, reveling in the feeling of him on my lap, we are one. We are breathing the same air. We are feeling the same emotions. The same comfort. The same everything. We are one person more than sex could ever make two people. Right now, I am free.

We sit there for a few more seconds, not wanting to let go. But inevitably he pulls away and stalks back over to door as I admire his fanny from behind for the millionth time tonight. Just as he is about to pull open the door he turns and looks at me. It's all I need. From the kiss, to being one, to his look. I know.

_I will always wait for you._

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><p><strong>Hurt-Nine Inch Nails<strong>

**SO! I hope you guys liked it! Working on the next chapter now. I have a small request!**

**I am dying for a GOOD AsuxIno fic. Oneshot. With lots of emotion and delicious smut. In the woods. On a mission. IF someone will write this for me, I will write a one shot specifically dedicated to you with ANY coupling you want, and however you want it. : ) Let me know!**

**On a side note… I gave Naruto a higher school GPA then I graduated with. LOL. But it wasn't 'cause I was really bad in class at school… I just didn't go and I hated it. So yeah. Go Naruto! Take school seriously kids. xD**

**Also. I hate grocery shopping almost as much as I hate spiders and mopping. Just another side note. Haha.**

**Leave me lots of love guys! Thanks for sticking with me!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Whoo! Told you guys I was working on the next one! I don't want to disappoint y'all with having to wait another month or two to update. If this isn't updated two weeks from now (the same day I updated last chapter) I am going to be really mad...**

**Also, I'm going to go back and fix it but in one of the chapters I said they were all seniors. I was wrong. Neji, Ten, and Rock Lee are the only seniors. The rest are juniors. I need another school year to work this all through. My bad. I'll go back and fix it after I finish this chapter… Maybe.**

**Thanks for the favorites and follows guys! Can I get some more reviews please? I would love your input!**

**I'm gonna give you guys a lemon. ;)**

_**Take Me Away**_

**Chapter 8:**

"_**If the world stopped spinning tomorrow**_

… _**I'd never shed a tear.**_

_**I'd rather be anywhere**_

… _**Anywhere but here!"**_

_Diary,_

_ Uh… So. Hi. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. You, are my new diary. Granny wants me to start filling you out, so I went to the book store and bought you. Of course, it's been a week since she told me to start you but, oh well._

_ So… Let me catch you up on the past week. On Saturday, Gaara offered to start tutoring me in classes after making dinner. Since then we have fallen into a routine. After school he takes me home and he tutors me a bit, then he makes dinner (which is really awesome because it's always sooo good), during which I do homework. After we eat he checks through my work and compares it to his. Then we study some more. Some nights he stays over. Others he leaves really late at night. When he does stay the night we end up curled together on the couch watching movies or playing games. He doesn't push me to do anything with him. Sometimes I wish he would but I know it would only hurt him so we just... Exist together. And it's nice._

_ When school started up again on Monday we got a new kid. His name is Sai, and he's a total freak. Which is awesome because he fits right in, haha. He doesn't seem to be used to interacting with people, like he was raised by wolves or something, but he likes to hang around us. Since Monday he comes and sits with us at lunch. Normally he just watches but after a few days he starting talking with us and he's pretty cool. If a freak._

_ Unfortunately he is oddly… touchy-feely. I don't think he knows what personal space is. Yesterday he grabbed my butt. I thought the look Gaara gave him was going to make him spontaneously explode. It wasn't until a moment after that I noticed Sasuke's eyes locked onto Sai from cross the room. Fear stirred in my stomach when the onyx orbs locked onto mine. But he didn't do anything. His eyes didn't flash red like they normally do, he didn't blow a kiss at me, or wink. He just looked at me for a moment before flicking his eyes back at Sai, then he left._

_ Really fucking weird._

_ But whatever. Let's get down to what Granny really wants me to write about. _

_ These meds fucking suck. I mean really, really suck. I feel like I'm walking on a thin wire all of the time. My friends say just one small thing and I can spiral down into a depression or blast off into another world of happiness. I haven't told anyone but Gaara about the meds so everyone keeps looking at me all weird. I try to not let it bother me. It's hard though. Really hard. _

_ On the nights when Gaara leaves, I sketch in my books. I only have one piece going right now and I haven't figured out what it is. I just let my hand fly furiously over the page in a controlled but seemingly messy way. The raw feeling it leaves my fingers in isn't really painful, and the charcoal left all over my fingers is slick and smells good. It's a sign that I am doing something with my life. Something good. Something I can handle but that doesn't take so much energy to maintain that I feel like giving up halfway through._

_ I can feel a change. I feel more motivated. But only slightly. The only issue I'm having is not being able to sleep. I have gone full nights staying up and playing Skyrim or just sketching until the first few lights of sun tell me it's time to get ready for school. But I set an alarm on my phone so that I don't forget to take my meds and I don't let my lack of sleep affect me poorly. I find time for homework and still make it to school. I interact, I ogle at Gaara, I eat, and he tutors me. It's a hell of a lot more than I was doing before, and for that reason I am proud._

_ When I see Granny Tuesday I'll ask her how I can counteract the insomnia, but-_

Someone is knocking on the door. Loudly. I try to ignore it and return to my journal, but instead the knocking becomes more frantic and loud voices accompany it.

"Naruto, we know you're in there!"

"Get your lazy ass out of bed!"

"Answer the door loser! We have some serious shit to talk about!"

"Dickless! We have the need to converse with you!" The voices go silent quickly. Then.

"DICKLESS?" Kiba's uproarious laughing echoes through my house. "Hey I like that one! Get up dickless!" I groan and roll my eyes. _Great._

The knocking increases in intensity, before ceasing completely. Their voices fade. For a moment I think I'm safe and roll back over to write in my journal. But as I am rolling over the window catches my eye and I look over. There, all hunched up against the window, are Kiba, Neji, Shino, and Sai. In my fright I jump and roll off of the bed, smacking my head on the floor. Rubbing the wound I hear the window slide open and the sound of them stepping inside.

"You know, normal people leave when someone doesn't open the door." I mumble, irritated, the throbbing pain in my head slowly subsiding. "And they certainly don't climb in through their friend's window."

"Normal people also answer the door when their friends are beating on it telling said normal person that it is important." Neji replies, a stern look on his face. His eyes scan the length of my room, narrowing on the two plates and Diet Coke cans on my bedside table, then lock onto the diary, finally coming to rest on me.

"Have you had company?" He asks quietly. Kiba's neck cracks as he swivels his head quickly to look at Neji.

"Company? No one's seen Naruto outside of school in a week!" Kiba glares at me accusingly.

"As a matter a fact… I have." I start slowly, standing up, still rubbing the knot on my head. "It's not that I've been avoiding you guys it's just… Well I have a lot going on right now. Gaara has been coming over and tutoring me. It's one of the steps in the process I'm going through."

Silence.

More silence.

The silence is _screaming_.

They just look at me, no expression on their faces. I'm about to scream just to make some noise, but Kiba beats me to it, busting out laughing. I don't know how he made it to the floor so fast but he's rolling around clutching his sides. For some reason this really, really irritates me.

"What the _fuck, _Kiba! Why is it so fucking hilarious for me to be getting tutored by Gaara? I'm not some big dumbass! We're closing in at the end of our junior year! At least _one _of us is taking our studies seriously, rather than stare at a television set and drool over a measly level up!" And there it is. One of the several outbursts of which Kiba has been on the receiving end of. He's stopped laughing and is just lying on the floor staring at me looking confused. I'm not done with him yet. "Who the fuck do you think you are, breaking into my room, accosting me, and then making fun of me for doing something with my life?" My voice is continually growing louder and I can't see straight. All I can feel is anger, bubbling up, up, out of my body. The extremities of my body burn, along with my lungs, heart, and throat. I'm still yelling though, angry bursts of tears flowing from my eyes, until a soft hand makes its way onto my shoulder.

I stop. Frozen in place, the anger still boiling in my stomach. Turning quickly I lock eyes with Sai. _Sai? _What is he even doing here? When did he become so close with the guys? Why is he in my room? Who is he? Why is he butting into my life!? I'm about to round on him when his emotionless voice cuts through my fog.

"There's nothing wrong with it and there is nothing wrong with you." He says. "It's good for you to be making a change. Good for you to be trying to fix whatever you feel that you're going through. We're not trying to make you feel bad. We want to help."

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. I can't believe this dude even knows how to say something that even slightly relates to emotion. Yet here he is, speaking to me like this… About something he knows absolutely _nothing _about!

"Whatever, Sai! Don't speak about things that you know nothing about! None of you do!" I want to continue yelling at them, but I'm out of steam now, so I just lay down on the bed and cover my face with my hands. Let's get this over with. I talk through my hands at them.

"Okay then, what do you guys want to talk about?" Shino is the one who answers.

"Sasuke." The groan I let through my fingers is almost inhuman.

"Why in Kami's name would you want to talk about thaaat?" I'm doing really well not letting him cross my mind. Not even looking at him unless necessary.

The bed droops down beside me and I'm aware that someone has taken up residence there.

"Simple. You can't move forward until you have put it completely behind. We need to figure out a way to help Sasuke out so that he can do the same. It's obvious that you are working towards becoming your own person again. But you hold guilt. Sasuke didn't start up his gang activity and the drugs or anything else until he met you. So…" Kiba drags to 'so' out much longer than necessary, obviously stalling. I uncover my eyes and look at him.

"You need to help him revert back too." I promptly stuff my face in the pillow and groan again, clutching my body into a fetal position. How do you help someone who thinks they're perfect the way they are? How do you get close enough to said person when you're terrified they'll let their fists fly? That you'll be pulled back into their sick, sick game?

"No." I mumble through the pillow.

"Too bad." I peek up at Neji.

"Excuse me?"

"Too bad." He repeats. "We've already started the ball rolling and we're passing to you. Of course, we'll be there too."

"What do you mean 'started the ball rolling?'"

"We're all going out to Sakura's party tonight." This is news to me. I hadn't even heard there was a party.

I shake my head.

"Gaara will be there."

Fuck.

oOoOoOo

This is ridiculous.

I pull a wedgie out of my man parts in a corner of the basement. Kiba stuck me in some ridiculous skin-tight leather jeans and an orange shirt that leaves little room to breathe. My hair is all stuck up in multiple more directions than normal (a feat I wouldn't have imagined) and I'm wearing make-up. MAKE. UP. Needless to say he's currently numero uno on my 'to kill' list.

I guess it's not all bad though. Everyone else is in similar clothes, although the women have much, much less on their bodies. There are glowing bands all over everyone's bodies, Sakura has one around her head like a headband, in fact. Now, I can appreciate a woman's body. Not in a sexual way, but I guess I can see the appeal, so in that aspect I'm enjoying myself.

The sex on acid I'm nursing is certainly helping.

And then, he walks in, and dear lord in heaven, the _world _stops. I mean. Almost literally. Every head in the place turns towards the door and there he is. His hair is spiked similarly to mine, his makeup smudged up to his brows. Tight, ripped leather pants with chains that hang to his knees, a dark red shirt clutching to every delicious curve in his chest. And his bright aqua-green eyes lock immediately onto me.

Pretty sure I just came.

He walks directly over to me, giving me more than one long look-over, and the party slowly resumes it's loud, raunchy events. My world is still frozen as I fight the urge to pull Gaara into me and fuck him against the wall in front of everyone. By everyone I mean everyone, every single person from school is here. Grinding to techno beats, smoking bud, drinking liquor like water. The beat pumps through the room and the lights flash on the sweat-covered bodies. The music floods my body with emotions. Excitement, happiness, and I feel energized.

"Should you be drinking?" I should have expected that. But I didn't. I also didn't expect my next words.

"Should you be looking so delicious?" Someone punch me in the face. He smirks.

"On second thought keep drinking." Laughter bubbles up through me and I finish of my drink quickly.

"Let's dance." I don't give him time to respond, just drag him into the middle of the floor and press myself flush against him. His face pinkens slightly when I wrap my arms around him and grind my pelvis into his. He follows quickly, and wraps his arms around my waist, running his hands up and down my sides, lifting my shirt up a bit. I bite back a small moan as he arches his body in mine and runs his fingers along the bare flesh he's relieved of the tight shirt.

I get lost in the music and the feeling of him. His sandpapery and cigarette smudged scent fills my nose and I'm gone. So, so far gone. My body aches.

When what I assume is several songs (there's no transition, just constant music) passes, we break apart and he drags me to the tables with the liquor, snacks, and non-alcoholic drinks on it. I quickly make myself another sex on acid since the Jaeger seems to be running low, and he mixes up a Jack and Coke. We pull back to my corner and watch.

It's after a few moments of our blissful silence that I notice him. The guys (who have been remarkably sparse through this whole event) told me he would be here. So I was prepared. What I wasn't prepared for was the predatory look on his face. My stomach drops for a moment.

"He isn't looking at you." Gaara's lips on my ear jolts me, and I give him a confused look. He nods his head in towards the floor, as he takes another sip of his drink and I follow his gaze. I look through the mass of bodies to find Sai in the middle, running his hands over the bare chest of a guy who's in the class above us. I'm even more confused now. Sasuke has a think for that dude? But he's so… Not his type. He doesn't even know... Whatever his name is. Yet there he was, locked on.

He starts making his way through the crowd, and I watch intently. This could be good. This could be really good. If he goes after that dude then he's someone else's problem. He doesn't have anything else to do with us. He's gone for good. He's… Grabbing Sai around the waist. He's rubbing his hips against Sai and glaring at the other dude to back off.

Fuck my life.

"Well! That's an interesting turn of events!" Trust Kiba to be loud enough to be heard over the music. "What do you think?" What do I think? I think my heart hurts and my body feels cold and I'm stuck. I'm stuck now having to deal with this.

I down my drink and rip the Jaeger bottle from some chick and another bottle of Fireball off of the table and quickly pour shots. I take them and then chug the rest of the Jaeger from the bottle. Then I wrench Gaara back onto the floor, leaving him just enough time to set down his drink. His expression is blank when I starting dancing against him again. When he doesn't respond I stop. He gives me a quick look and then turns to walk across the floor and out of the room. It takes me about five seconds to follow him.

It's almost as hot outside as it was in the basement, but it doesn't slow my down one bit as I follow him down the sidewalk, increasing my pace as he turns the corner to his apartment. I barely round the corner when two hands grab me and slam me into the wall, smacking my head against the bricks.

Hot lips crash down on mine and I briefly think through the fog of liquor in my mind to look at the mop of hair above me before reacting. It's deep red. I cling to his shirt desperately and moan into his mouth, trying to minimize the distance between us as much as possible. To push myself into his body. His finger dip under my shirt and claw their way down my back and I arch further into him and groan. He takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth and my body lights on fire.

He tastes even better than I remember, and he has never kissed me like this. So needy. There is so much want and frustration and… anger in his kiss. It drowns me in lust. I can barely think and any bit of consciousness I could hold onto is ripped from my body when he grinds his pelvis into mine.

"Kami." I break the kiss to breathe and let out my thoughts. He digs his hands into my hair and wrenches my head back to suck down the front of my throat, latching onto the span of neck right above my pulse-point. I remember somewhere that Gaara told me what it was called but I don't give a shit. All I want is for him to not stop. He bites down on me and I can't stop the screech ripped from me. He chuckles against my throat.

But the noise pulls me from my trace and I try to push him off. He grunts against me and tries to latch onto my collar bone. I push him harder.

"What?" He practically yells it in my face.

"Gaara we can't. You don't want this right now. I can't give you what you want." He looks deep into my eyes.

"Tell me you love me." I barely hear it.

"What?"

"_Tell me_ you _love me_." He growls it, and it goes straight to my groin for some reason.

"You know I love you but-"

"No 'buts'. Say it again." He dives into my shoulder and bites down and I yelp the words out.

"I-I love you!"

"Then forget about him." He latches onto my mouth viciously and I do.

oOoOoOo

For the rest of my life I will never know how we made it further down the street. I will never understand how we managed to crawl up the stairs and open his door without ever breaking contact. But I do remember how we wound up crushed together, breathing deeply from lack of air, but not caring as we ground into each other, tearing off each other's clothing, kissing, licking and biting down every expanse of flesh that was freed for our greedy eyes to relish.

With each pull of his nails down my back, each press of his lips and teeth to my skin, I'm lost further and further to him. When he finally frees me of my boxers he grips his teeth into the skin below my hipbone and slaps his hand roughly on my thigh. The jerk from my body causes his bite to bear down harder and I almost cum from the painful pleasure that erupts through me.

He continues to assault my hipbone and thighs, breathing on my erection as he passes slowly over it to assault the other side, but never touching, never relieving, as he pulls down his own boxers. He stands up to hover over me and I chance a glance down below us to be greeted with a beautiful, throbbing pink cock already leaking pre-cum. I lick my lips. He pushes me back, further onto the bed and climbs on. Before he can move further I crawl onto my knees and swallow his cock. He groans loudly as I bob, taking in his full length, ignoring the painful stretching of my throat as he surpasses the length of my mouth.

One of his hands flies to my hair and his other slaps down on my ass and clutches into me with his nails. I groan onto him and shivers run through him. I feel him lean forward more, to fill my body with his saliva covered fingers as he begins to stretch me out. I focus on tasting him to ignore the slight twinge. It's been a while. He tastes salty and delicious, and his musky scent in trapped in my nose as I dig it into his pubic hair in one last swallow and then pull back, allowing my spit to bubble and coat his length.

He's quick to push me back onto the bed and lay his body between my legs. My body aches in anticipation as he rubs his head against my awaiting hole. His eyes lock onto mine and I feel myself falling into them. This is a man who knows everything about me. Who loves me despite my condition. Who will be there for me until the last second of my life. This man, with his strikingly flushed cheeks and tousled hair, with his makeup even more smeared then before and lust filling his eyes; He loves me. And Kami, Kami do I love him more than anything in the world.

"I love you." I whisper it. All of my emotions hanging onto those three words, breathy, almost airless. He nods, and uses his free hand to run his fingers down my thigh. I cringe and squeeze my eyes shut when they make contact with my scars. I forgot. How could I forget? How did he not see them before? How could I let it slip my mind that I have been hiding that part of my body for so, so long for this very reason?

I prepare myself for him to push me away. To tell me to leave his house. That I'm sick. I'm twisted. Pitiful. I feel the loss of heat and I sigh in resignation. I'm about to sit up and gather my clothes when I feel his tongue slid over my thigh. The fire reignites and I wrench open my eyes to stare at him. He is crouched between my thighs still, but his head is bowed down, his eyes locked onto mine, as he drags his tongue along the scars on my thigh and then presses small kisses to each. Passion fills me. He doesn't need to say he loves me also. I already know. He tells me in everything he does. This moment is an example of that.

He gives me a small smile that I know is reserved for me and works his way back up my body, kissing along the invisible line from my navel to my chest, leaving little bite marks here and there, before softly kissing me. He sits back up and runs his head against me again and I know this is it.

As soon as the thought crosses my mind he pushes himself slowly into me, filling me inch by fucking-godly inch. He's filled me to the brim in what seems like a blink of the eye, laying still for a moment so that I can adjust. But I don't want that and I push my body back against his to let him know. He gets the memo.

Pulling himself almost completely out he crashes back into my aching hole and I yelp out in passion from the burning and beautiful feeling it evokes. He pulls back again, throws my legs over his shoulders and slams back into me, running himself directly into my prostate. His speed slowly increases as he slowly loses control of his speech. Small mutters of my name and curses come through his mouth that I barely catch through my lust-clouded mind. With each thrust I feel myself coming closer and closer to the edge. One of my legs slips off of his shoulder and he lets it fall to the bed in favor of reaching between our bodies to stroke abandoned erection.

I can feel him getting sloppier, but still amazing, with his thrusts ad he pumps into me harder, pulling me in time with his thrusts. In an amazing feat of flexibility on both his and my part he leans down over me and clamps onto my chest, sucking the flesh. His fingers claw into my thigh and he pounds me into a feeble mess of moans and screams, our sticky skin slapping together. I feel myself fly over the edge when he lands a particularly rough probe on my sweet-spot, and my organ pumps come along both of our chest as he gives a few more thrusts into me before filling my body with his seed.

Immediately he releases my leg and falls down on my chest, our chests molding together with a paste of cum and sweat. A delicious paste that binds us together. Keeps us like that forever. It can be washed off but it can never be cleansed.

I roll him over to his side, and clutch him to me as he presses a strong, if feeble kiss against my lips.

His breathing slows and I relax into the comfortable silence and feel of his familiar body. I feel myself slowly fading, drifting off into what feels like an unknown world of relaxation and joy. Absolute, pure joy. And with that, I fall into a deep sleep, that of which I haven't had in what feels like an eternity. But Gaara is my cure.

**Yay! I am so excited about this chapter! And I am super excited that I got it up so fast! Leave me lots of love guys! Thank you!**


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